Essay Spending Money on the Arts

by sacmanitin

Please evaluate my Task 2 writing :

Also if you can indicate what band this can achieve.


Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.

To what extend do you agree with this view?


Each country’s government has one of the most important responsibility to use its resources in such a way that it address the most essential needs of the country. Looking into this context, for developing nations, where food, clothing and shelter related requirements are yet not addressed fully, how logical it is to spend money on art and art related causes, when these funds can be utilized for addressing other essential needs of country and its people. Although routing the money to other different cause, which look more primary in nature, look like the right choice, promoting and nurturing art provide equally important benefits to a state if not higher. In this essay, we will discuss how art is a must area to take care of .

First of all, when the government support art institutions through subsidy and grants, it support the entire fraternity whose livelihood depends on the well-being of art. Thus, it help in providing sufficient life support to artist and people who are connected to arts for livelihood. In this way, such government support help thrive the art segment.

Secondly, art not only provide just a medium for earning, it also bring the creative side of individuals. These skills are very important for out-of-box thinking. This is evident when you consider the fact that many organizations and universities give special preference to artists as they know it is a rare breed to cultivate synthetically.

At the end, art for any country, is known to be deeply connected to its culture and value system. In the present era of globalization, which also bring the ill effect of weakening ties to our roots, art keep these connection alive and strengthen the character of a person.

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Mar 19, 2017
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my comment
by: Anonymous

Genarally your vocabulary is good and the ideas are clear.

Though you missed some important things like paraphrasing, thesis and an outline in your introduction. You should avoid mentioning details in the introduction.

The body paragraphs should follow this structure:

- a topic sentence
- explanation
- and an example

Do not throw everything - your essay looses coherence.

Conclusion is summary of main points and your is lacking that skill because your essay structure was poor.

Band Score 6

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