IELTS Essay - Computer Images Replacing Museums and Galleries

by Tam
(Vietnam)

Hi IELTS buddies,
Please help me review my essay. Thank you very much.


Public museums and art galleries are not needed because people can see historical objects and artistic works by using computers.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


The best advantage of social network apparently is infinite possibility in gathering information, such as knowledge of art or worthy objects. Hence, due to computers' applications, whether the investments in public museums and art galleries are necessary or not is a controversial issue. In my view, I disagree with the opinion that those investments are not needed and state strongly that perceiving a mental value is not simple by visual method on computer.

Firstly, not only is a worthy exhibit valued by its physical appearance but also is shown by the elegance of materials. Regardless of monitors' advanced resolution, users can never perceive entirely how far the damages of time to objects' surface make their historical values or how much devotion was put into every single inch of artists' works. As the result, the real approach indeed plays an important role in feel all the quintessence of the righteous value.

Furthermore, the conundrum that exhibits were frequently copied by illegal ways has affected strongly to individuals. For example, because of great reputation, the work "Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci had multifarious copies without any control. Thus, should people not gone to the right gallery, unfortunately, they could spot a mistake copy on social network.

This is not to say that using computers cannot bring the full approach. People can filter information from different resources on the internet so that gain the true knowledge of exhibits. But, this method does not bring success in all cases.

In sum, a worthy object should be perceived by deliberate way in the real context. And public museums or art galleries are necessary regardless of convenience of using computers. (275 words)

Comments for IELTS Essay - Computer Images Replacing Museums and Galleries

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Nov 10, 2017
Quite Good - 6.5
by: Anonymous

Intro:

- due to computers' applications (singular "application")
- "whether the investments in public museums and art galleries are necessary or not" is not a proper subject, you should add "the fact that" before the phrase.

1st Para:

- Replacing "viewers" instead of "users" is better.
- "objects' surface" THAT "makes their historical..."
- Do you mean "the real sight" when you write "the real approach"?
- "plays an important role in HELPING VIEWERS to feel all the quintessenceS"
- I've never heard "Righteous value" before. maybe you should change it to "precious exhibits"

2nd Para:

- "exhibits have been ... " (Present perfect is better"
- strongly is used before. You can use "atrociously" to emphasize bad things. It's a great word.
- Do you mean "post" when you write "spot"?

3rd Para:

- not resources, just "sources".
- "so that THEY CAN GAIN" or "so that TO GAIN"
- "knowledge of THE exhibits"

Conclusion:

- Should we change "worthy object" to "worthy exhibit"? It's the final statement already.
- "and" never goes after period.
- "THE convenience"

You ideas are good and organized well, but your way of using words is quite weird. If I were the judge, I would give you 6.5 for this.

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