IELTS Sample Task 2 Essay:
Child Obesity

by Patel
(Bolton)

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.


Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

There is no doubt that overweight children’s percentages rose by twenty percent in western world. There are several factors, which played role. Also, there are some effects of being overweight.

On of the major factor that has contributed to increase in children’s weight is unhealthy food. Number of children eating unhealthy food is on the rise, and number of increasing fast food restaurants are responsible for that.These restaurant sell tasty food to attract children but these food contain unhealthy ingredients, for example, fat and salt. Secondly, some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet. Lastly, children do not give time to out door activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which led to sedentary lifestyle. As a result, children become overweight.

Overweight children are prone to many problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening. In addition, these children can be tortured at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like stress, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn, often result in lower productivity at school. Futhermore, they are less likely to be selected for school’s sport team because selection team might concern about their fitness.

In conclusion,factors like poor diet, sedentary lifestyle because of advance in technology has led to increase in overweight children, and these may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to children health.

Thanks a lot .

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Corrected Version:

There is no doubt that overweight Research has shown that children’s percentages child obesity rose has risen by twenty percent in the western world. There are several factors which have played a role in this. Also, there are some a number of effects of being overweight.

One of the major factors that has contributed to an increase in children’s weight is unhealthy food. The number of children eating unhealthy this kind of food is on the rise, and the number of increasing number of fast food restaurants are is responsible for that.These restaurants sell tasty food to attract children but these foods contain unhealthy ingredients, for example, such as fat and salt. Secondly This occurs because some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet meals. Lastly, children do not give time to out door activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which led leads to a sedentary lifestyle. As a result of the above factors, children become overweight.

Overweight children areThis then leaves children prone to many problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening. In addition, these children can be tortured at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like stress, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn, often result in lower productivity at school. Futhermore, they are less likely to be selected for school’s sport school sports teams because selection the selecting team might be concerned about their fitness.

In conclusion, factors like poor diet and sedentary lifestyles because of advances in technology have led to an increase in overweight children, and this may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to children's health. 


FURTHER COMMENTS


Overall, you answer the question and provide relevant support. There are a few grammar errors, but they don't confuse the message, so it is easy to read which is good.

Introduction

I wouldn’t say this:

“There is no doubt that overweight children’s percentages rose by twenty percent in western world.”

It looks odd because we know there is no doubt because it has been given as a ‘fact’ in the prompt. 

Paraphrasing

You have to be very careful when you paraphrase the question.  Words cannot always just be switched around and still make sense grammatically.  You wrote this:

“overweight children’s percentages rose”

You are saying the children’s ‘percentage’ rose, but it is their ‘weight’ that rose.  So you must be very careful when paraphrasing to make sure you do not distort or change the meaning of what is being said.

Explaining Ideas

You state this idea:

“Secondly, some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet.”

It may be true, but it looks odd to have your other two longer ideas, and this short one stuck in between but not explained.  This is why I joined it onto the other idea as part of my corrections.

Topic Sentences

You need to make them clear.  You wrote this:

Overweight children are prone to many problems.

As you can see, I changed this as you need to make it clearer that your essay is now changing focus to talk about effects.

Grammar

Such as / For example

Such as + noun

For example + Subject Verb


Concerned

to be concerned about

Comments for IELTS Sample Task 2 Essay:
Child Obesity

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Jul 24, 2014
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child obesity
by: Nirmal singh

Over the last ten years, western societies have seen close to a 20% rise in the number of children who are overweight. This essay will discuss some reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend.

The main cause of this problem is poor diet. Over the last decade there has been a prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurants. For example, on nearly every high street there is a MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The food in these places has been proven to be very unhealthy, and much of the advertising is targeted at children, thus ensuring that they constitute the bulk of the customers of these establishments. However, it is not only due to eating out, but also the type of diet many children have at home. A lot of food consumed is processed food, especially with regards to ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working hard.

The effects of this have been and will continue to be very serious. Firstly, there has been a large increase in health related diseases amongst children, especially diabetes. This debilitating illness means a child has to be injected with insulin for the rest of their life. Not only this, very overweight children often experience bullying from other children, which may affect their mental health. The negative stigma of being overweight may also affect self-esteem.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity amongst children, and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.

Jun 18, 2015
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Child Obesity Essay
by: Anonymous

Yes of course it is very big problem facing children including their parents. Responsible is fast food items children like it mostly & it is available easily.

Life is became faster so parents have no time for their children they keep at home easy meal or they have option order food from outside. this is the reason kinds eat unhealthy food it cause to be overweight. even they eat very joy fully but they don't care about their health. Even now a days children have forgot to pay out door dames which was very help full to keep their body healthy. They mostly play House games, Computer game or they used watch television at home thats why they become overweight.

solving this problem parents should join Yoga classes including their child so it will become good Habit for them also in collage or school teacher should be force them to take part in various games. even if in collage or in school canteen should allow to sale healthy hygienic green vegetable or sups so that student will have fast food minimum quantity, In family they should have fix time table for eating food, some time they should have to take session regarding Types of Food which help full for our body we should have to increase them to do daily thirty minutes gym so it will safely help them to maintain their body.

In my conclusion i would say in fast life parent should take important part for their children life. and children should avoid fast food instead of that if they have Apple a day they will be feel more fresh and healthy. An a apple a day keeps you doctor away.

Jun 26, 2015
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Any comments about my Child Obesity essay writing
by: Drew

In Western countries, it is thought that there is a rose in the incidence rate of obese children by nearly 20% in the last decade. Most people are being alarmed with this trend and believe that common reasons for such are unhealthy diet and lack of activity.

In the advent of commercial fast foods nowadays, a lot of children are unaware whether they are consuming good or bad foods. For instance, often children are entice on how a food is prepared and sometimes would opt to have fries, burgers or pizza for their meals, thus, unknowingly eating unhealthy product. This provides a negative effect on ones physique especially if repeated overtime causing now to gain weight.

Another factor to consider is the lack of exercise, although, it is commonly believed that exercise helps in maintaining weight, most children would tend to play computer games or simply watch TVs at home. A good example is, some children are not interested enough with contact sports such as basketball and baseball instead, they preferred playing with their gadgets and computers. It clearly shows that there is already a shift in the trend on how they play because of technology, thus resulting to increase weight.

Health related problems are likely evident if this concerns are not address. For example, children are their age would have a higher predisposition of acquiring heart problems and diabetes. Another unpleasant effect that might be seen is bullying because of having a disturbed body image. This proves us that being obese could lead to a lot or negative effects.

In conclusion, concerning the climb rate of obesity, it is therefore recommended that children must have a healthy lifestyle through eating a balance diet and also having a regular exercise to achieve a desired body weight.

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