IELTS Sample Writing Task 2:
Relocating Industries and Business to Regional Areas

by johnson
(malaysia)

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities.


Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?


It is true that some nations encourage companies to transfer from urban to local areas by the government. Although there are some drawbacks, I would argue that there are more benefits.

However, on the other hand the negative side of this development can not be overlooked and we should give enough thought as well. Indeed relocating industries will have some positive impact but industries will have to cope with a number of various factors in less developed areas such as security, lack of transportation, appropriate infrastructure to setup an industry and scarcity of communication channel. As a result companies and government would have to spend a good amount of money to setup these means even before starting the business and this is what most companies would not come to terms with. Besides this connectivity and client visit will also not be a piece of cake and can cause enough problems

On the other hand, there are more advantages of moving the industries and businesses outside of primary cities. Firstly, industrial plants always produce emissions, which do harm to individuals' physical health. We can see that some research institutes have proved that those live close to the industrial zone within ten kilometers have a much higher risk of getting cancers. Secondly, workshop building takes up vast areas of land while its land use efficiency is extremely lower. Meanwhile, each square in the big cities are as precious as gold. Thus, it is economic for factories to set up new workshops in the remote area. It also benefits consumers due to the decline of production cost. Lastly, labor market in the regional areas will boost. More job opportunities will be given to the poor live in the rural thereby improving their living standards.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of relocating huge industrial companies in regional zones such as more available job opportunities, reduce labor costs and locations to businesses, and minimizes pollution in the atmosphere do outweigh the disadvantages.

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IELTS buddy
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Corrected Version:

It is true that some nations governments encourage companies to transfer from urban to local outlying areas by the government (you were repeating yourself here). Although there are some drawbacks, I would argue that there are more benefits.

However, on the other hand (You can't use 'however' or 'on the other hand' here - these are to compare with something you have have mentioned already but you haven't mentioned anything before this!) The negative side of this development can not be overlooked and we should give enough thought as well (not clear what point you are making here). Indeed relocating industries will have some positive impacts but industries will have to cope with a number of various factors problems in less developed areas such as security, lack of transportation, inappropriate infrastructure to set up an industry and a scarcity of communication channel systems. As a result, companies and the government would have to spend a good substantial amount of money to set up these means facilities even before starting the business and this is what most companies would not come to terms with. Besides this, connectivity and client visits will also not be a piece of cake (don't use idioms) easy and can could cause enough several problems (This last sentence needs more explanation - what is 'connectivity'?).

You have coherency problems in this paragraph - the beginning is confusing because it is not clear whether you are talking about 'advantages' or disadvatages'. In the first half you switch between both - where I have underlined.

You need a clear simple topic sentence to explain which of these you are about to discuss.

On the other hand, there are more advantages of moving the industries and businesses outside of primary cities. Firstly, industrial plants always produce emissions, which do harm to individuals' physical health. We can see that some research institutes have proved that those living close to the industrial zones within ten kilometers (you can't say this and 'close', only one or the other) have a much higher risk of getting cancers. Secondly, workshop buildings take up vast areas of land while its land use efficiency is extremely lower (I don't know what you mean - you need to explain this or re-word it). Meanwhile, each square meter of land in the big cities are is as precious as gold. Thus, it is economic for factories to set up new workshops in the remote areas. It also benefits consumers due to the decline of production costs. Lastly, labor markets in the regional areas will be boosted. More job opportunities will be given to the poor living in the rural areas thereby improving their living standards.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of relocating huge industrial companies in to regional zones such as are more available job opportunities, reduced labor costs and locations to businesses, and less minimizes pollution in the atmosphere do outweigh the disadvantages.

FURTHER COMMENTS


You have the potential to write a very good answer as you have some good grammar and good ideas.

But you need to work on the errors I have mentioned above.

Topic Sentences

The topic sentences of each paragraph need to be very clear at the beginning. There is a problem with this in your first paragraph.

This would have been better with one sentence identifying that you are going to discuss the disadvantages of relocating to rural areas - like the topic sentence in your second body - this is fine and clear.

Clarity of Ideas

And occasionally it is not clear what you are trying to say - this may be a problem with the vocabulary you are trying to use.

Always make sure you fully explain ideas as you cannot assume someone reading it will know what you are talking about.

This may mean fewer ideas - but is is always better to have fewer ideas that are fully explained than lots of ideas that are not explained properly.

Thanks

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Comments for IELTS Sample Writing Task 2:
Relocating Industries and Business to Regional Areas

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Apr 05, 2012
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for feedbacks
by: Anonymous

Early technological developments helped ordinary people and changed their lives more than recent developments.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that technologies have played a significant role making our lives more comfort. In my opinion. early and recent technologies have had an equally significant impact on our lives.

On the one hand, early technologies have changed and brought ease to humanity. The invention of transportations such as cars, planes and steam engines have modified the way we travel and increase the global economy. Also, television and radio have channeled our lives by imparting knowledge and understanding of current events, learn different cultures and entertain us with music, T.V programs and movies. Finally, the genius invention of Graham Bell in the early century, which is the telephone, allowing people to communicate to one another in different places. Early technologies, therefore, have contributed a lot in our lives.

On the other hand, recent technologies have also greatly influence our lives. The invention of computer by far, is the greatest creation in this generation. Firstly, it has further intensified the method of communicating to other people from different walks of life. In other words, video chatting through skype is more exceptional than ordinary phone call because we can virtually see the person we are talking to. Secondly, computers are used in almost everywhere in the workplace and home as well as gave a possibility to transact business in any part of the world. Moreover, modern technologies have made break- through in the field of medicine. Equipment like CT scan, magnetic resonance imaging is just one of the few technologies that can diagnose diseases that cannot be seen through the naked eye. Thus, improving the health and the life span of the people.

In conclusion, I would like to point out that early and recent technologies have equal value in the lives of the people. It has served its main purpose bringing more comfort and satisfaction in one’s life.

Aug 01, 2013
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The linking phrase
by: Anonymous

Hi,

I see i repeated the phrase " On the other hand " two times, is it a markable mistake ?


Thanks,

Aug 02, 2013
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'on the other hand' twice
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

Yes this is wrong - you can see the correction in the second essay.

It is causing a problem with the coherence of the essay.

I'm not sure what you mean by a 'markable error'.

Nov 20, 2013
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ABC
by: Hasanboy

Your essay was good designed and brilliant ideas, but you must improve it.

Apr 18, 2014
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On the other hand ... On the other hand.. is correct
by: Anonymous

I've looked up the dictionary and then I realised that this grammer point is correct.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, "on the other hand... on the other hand ..." is used to introduce different points of view, ideas, act, especially they are opposites. I also see this grammar point in an native English teacher's essays!

May 30, 2016
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Writing task 2
by: Sandeep

Business is all about relationship. Success is all about relation making. Please help me to write this essay

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