IELTS struggle for band 7

by Casper
(Philippines)

Hello everyone!

It has somehow alleviated my stress level after reading several comments in this forum. I am one with those having trouble in writing. Stuck at 6.5.

I would appreciate if anyone can comment with my essay so i know how to improve.

Thanks in advance.


What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad?

Globalization has brought about several changes in our modern times, one of which is increasing number of migrations between countries for purposes of education or work. In the advent of modern technology in communications and transportation, this movement is now easily attainable. When long-term goal is considered, the homesickness which migration can cause as well as the expenses it entails will all be worth it for the sake of independence, learning and career growth. These reasons will further be discussed in this essay.

One major drawback of migration is the psychological effect of distance away from home. Most people experience homesickness especially when they are alone with no support system. To site an example, a good number of nurses from the Philippines opt to move to the Middle East for work to be able to provide well for the family. Being in a totally difference environment surrounded by various nationalities and living with a different culture, homesickness is of high probability. Another disadvantage is the cost of living required overseas. Given the same scenario for instance, earning in a foreign currency generally is of bigger worth than Philippine peso. However, living away from home means spending money for basic commodities, which are in fact far more expensive. Additional expenses are also made with communication as well as travel expenses going to and from the Middle East and Philippines.

Turning to the other side of the discussion, one significant advantage of studying or working abroad is the independence and strength is brings out in every individual. For one thing, living alone means taking care of oneself, from food to laundry and when moving from one place to another. Support system is not as available as it is at home, and people compensate by holding on to will and faith. Second, education abroad provides learning that is modernized. To illustrate, studying in Harvard University in the USA can provide up-to-date and evidence-based information as well as state-of-the-art technology for teaching methods are utilized. The knowledge gained, especially when certified, will in most case be an edge for future careers anywhere in the world. Lastly, working abroad can enhance one’s career with the skills and capabilities that are gained during the experience. To site an example, for the IT specialists, being able to work in Singapore where information technology are quite highly advanced, there will be a definite increase in one’s credibility upon return in the Philippines.

After all things considered, migration to other countries for further studies or work will generally result to independence as well as personal and career growth. Although hindrances like homesickness and high cost of living is a possible threat, if managed positively, cannot deter the brighter future of migrating overseas can offer.

Comments for IELTS struggle for band 7

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Aug 24, 2015
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Topic sentences
by: Anonymous

Your essay is really good! However, your topic sentences need to include a summary of all the main ideas in the body paragraph, not just the first main point.

Aug 24, 2015
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So great
by: Anonymous

I hope that I can write similar to these paragraph. I've done my ielts several times with overall score 5.5.... Pray for me to score 6.5..

Sep 01, 2015
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check mine too
by: Anonymous

Can someone check mine too?

WRITING TASK 2:

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.


My answer:

It is a famous verse, "Fame is vapor, Popularity an incident,
One thing endures;
And that is--- Character".

Under the limelight of this famous extract, I strongly disagree with the idea that personal and moral values are of lesser importance than social status and material possessions to know a person’s worth.

All the famous personalities of past and present are renowned because of their work, not by their wealth. Money can never over-take the importance of honor, kindness and trust. These are the things that a person reflects by his doings. If someone has a lot of money, but if he is selfish and deals people with high hand then he can never gain respect. It is the world of cruelty where life and person’s worth revolve around money. If we see examples of top most personalities such as Nelson Mandela, Holy Prophet (PBUH), etc, they all worked on the principles of honesty and true determination. Their worth has been defined in golden words in history by virtue of their work, deeds and character. It is a misconception that a person can gain value only when he is rich and he adepts to worldly tantrums. These things cannot buy prestige to human. Let’s take example of Florence Nightingale. She is known as the Lady with the Lamp, not because she had money, but because she served humbly as a Nurse to help people.

In my opinion, being honest, faithful and warm hearted are not the old-fashioned values. These are the spirits of an ideal character which money can never buy. No financial statement can compete them. Money can buy you good clothes, but not good mannerism. Person’s worth is not judged by his social class, infact by how a man utilizes his resources. Being humble, down to earth and truthful are the mainstays by which people are remembered in good books. Money cannot define nature or values so it can never judge a person’s importance. Media, nowadays, is playing a very negative role by depicting such dramas where rich is regarded more respectful and famous than the poor; where an honest person is always seen living a desserted life. Such negative influences should not be promoted as they can never be compared with moral values.

Selflessness and kindness cannot be measured in quantity like money so these things are priceless and precious. Hence I contradict with the statement that social status and material possessions defines a person’s true worth.

Sep 02, 2015
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Looks like an 8 to me!!
by: Anonymous

Hey, I can't believe this is only worth 6,5. I am not an IELTS expert, but I set the test, also got 6,5 and my writing is far worse than yours. To me it looks like an 8. Feeling hopeless now!!

Sep 03, 2015
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I still got 6.5
by: Anonymous

@above: Hey Thanks, Even i do not know what ielts cambridge wants from us. I am stuck at band 6.5 inspite of having this calibre of writing. Need 7.5 to nail. I wish if i can know their criteria of checking.

Sep 07, 2015
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Task & Organization
by: Anonymous

Maybe it's about the task. The question was about living and studying abroad, but you open a topic about working abroad.

Another is the use of transitions and organizing your ideas.

If you can improve this to a more organized essay, you will surely achieve higher than 6.5.

These are just my observations.

Sep 07, 2015
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@above: can u comment on mine too
by: Anonymous

Can you please analyze and assess my essay too? it is about A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.. Look 2 comments above yours. it is posted there

Sep 08, 2015
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Thank you for the comments
by: Casper

Thank you for your comments.

I do understand the suggestions. And I tried to adjust. I am still waiting for the results of my last attempt. Hopefully i get my target band score.

Again, i appreciate the comments.

Feb 04, 2016
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Highlights
by: Anonymous

I really think you have a lot of examples, some are not well developed, and as for living it is quite different from working abroad because it should tackle with the social aspect, not the economic/financial aspect. Finally, the vocabulary is good but some are not in a "complex sentence" like.

Per paragraph
One main topic sentence (simple sentence)
Explain (complex sentence)
Further explain (complex sentence)
Example (complex sentence)

Jun 28, 2016
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the essay in comment section
by: Anonymous

I have different way of writing that essay. I think that the question means:

"Is it true that NOWADAYS people show more respect to those have money or reputation not people with good personalities".

If i am right, your answer might go wrong way since it's about discussing whether that phenomena is true or not and give some explanations.

Honestly i'm quite confused so this is just my opinion, not a critical comment on your essay.

Not an ielts expert, just a person with different way of understanding the topic.

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