IELTS Student Essay:
Overpopulation

by Rahul
(New Delhi, India)

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems.


Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.


People from villages and smaller towns are migrating to urban areas in search of employment and better standard of living. As a consequence, urban areas are becoming overpopulated and are facing lot of problems, major ones being (1) shortage of housing space and (2) overcrowding transport system.

With increasing population in urban areas, there is a huge demand for housing in order to accommodate migrated population. We have often seen Government not being able to provide sufficient housing to its people. If I take my own example, I live in New Delhi and had booked an apartment through a private builder three years ago. However, due to shortage in supply of housing units, I have advised by the builder to wait for 3 more years before an apartment can be allotted to me. To tackle this problem, Government can launch large housing societies under public-private model. Government can also formulate lucrative schemes in order to encourage private builders to invest in new housing projects. We, as a citizen, can rent unused rooms in our apartments or houses to students or individuals thereby optimizing living space in the city.

Apart from housing shortage, overpopulation in urban areas has also put excessive burden on transport system. As a result, various modes of public transportation are overcrowded and people face lot of inconvenience during their daily commute. I have experienced this problem myself while commuting to work in Delhi Metro every day. Few years ago, I used to find a seat every time I travelled in Delhi Metro but from last one year or so, I hardly manage to get a seat for myself and most often I travel standing in Metro. Government must pitch in and introduce innovative modes of transport which have higher passenger carrying capacity and are fuel efficient. Also, Government must increase fleet size of already exiting modes of transport to ease the pressure on transport system. We, the people, can also help the cause by using our own modes of transportation, at least, while travelling short distances. This will leave the space in public transport for needy passengers.

To conclude, we can say urban areas are facing lot of problems due to overpopulation. However, with joint partnership of Government and people these problems can be tackled to a great extent.

Word Count: 382

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IELTS Buddy Feedback:

Content and Organization


I would say that your content and organization are generally fine. You introduce the topic in the introduction, you have clear topic sentences, and it is easy to follow as you write about each problem then go on to the solutions.

Grammar


You have lots of minor grammar errors. They don't affect the understanding, but they are noticable. Just to take an example from your introduction and the first couple of sentences of your first body paragraph to show you, the corrections are in bold:

People from villages and smaller towns are migrating to urban areas in search of employment and better standards of living. As a consequence, urban areas are becoming overpopulated and are facing a lot of problems, the major ones being a shortage of housing space and overcrowded transport systems.

With increasing populations in urban areas, there is a huge demand for housing in order to accommodate these migrating populations. We have often seen Governments not being able to provide sufficient housing to its people.
Remember for a band 7 for grammar, the public band descriptors say:

Produces frequent error-free sentences

You are in danger of not meeting this if errors are too frequent.

It looks like you have a problem with articles, plurals and some word form endings (ing/ed) So review these.

Also, I notice your essay is 382 words. This is very long. Did it take 40 mins in total? You will be better off writing less and giving yourself more time to check your grammar.

Thesis


There is a problem with your thesis.

1) You should not put in numbering under any circumstances in a Task 2 essay (or Task 1).

2) This is more of a minor point but you should try to mention in your thesis both of the points that your essay is about i.e problems and solutions.

So your thesis may look like this:

As a consequence, urban areas are becoming overpopulated and are facing a lot of problems, the major ones being a shortage of housing space and overcrowded transport system. However, there are ways to combat these problems.

There are some example thesis statements here.

Comments for IELTS Student Essay:
Overpopulation

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Sep 12, 2013
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Issues on Overpopulation
by: Niner X

Statistics shows that the number of people in developed cities and areas continue to set an increasing propensity. This worrying trend can affect the entire populace in terms of maintaining health and living a decent life. However, I strongly believe that, the state, together with its people, can do tangible ways of countering this grave concern.

In reality, overcrowding has been a problem of almost all nations worldwide. Although it is true that a great number of people serve as a wealth of nation in terms of perpetuation of its race and tribe, it could pose negative impacts on the people’s health. For instance, diseases can spread rapidly and foods can ran out of supply shortly. Additionally, not all citizens will be having equal opportunity to settle a family and build houses of their own, due to lack of available lots in the cities.

Despite of this, the government and its citizens, still have the power to find solutions to the abovementioned concerns. For one, the state can open opportunities such as job deployment in rural areas, to aid in population decongestion. Secondly, the government can allot residential lots available for the people, and limit those being occupied by industries and business establishments. Similarly, the people can contribute to solving the problem through active participation and proper education. They must learn to be more health conscious and participate in the prevention of disease occurrence. With this, detrimental threats brought about by overcrowding could at least be neutralized, if not totally eradicate them.

Summing it up, the surging populace can bring threat to the health and lives of the people, nevertheless, the state in cooperation with the public, can implement simple yet effective strategies as solutions to the effects of overpopulation.

Jan 19, 2014
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My own comment
by: Anonymous

There is a mistake: Despite of this => Despite this

May 15, 2016
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Introduction
by: Abdialtif Ali Abdi

You have done a good job. So still you need to improve your introduction. Make sure you make general introduction, such as:

"There are many risks overcrowding of cities, as we have seen many countries around the world, both governments and societies should overcome that difficulties, and these can be discussed as follows".

So don't repeat the words that are given for the question. Make sure to use synonyms, like 'overpopulation', use instead 'overcrowded' and 'urban' use instead of 'cities' words that you will get better mark, keep on improving your skills.

Thank you.

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