IELTS Computer Delivered Tests + Band Score

Music Essays

by Mahesha
(Colombo, Sri Lanka)


Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



As entertainment becomes more and more important, some people argue that the government should be fund such events for children while others argue that it is the responsibility of private sector businesses or their own families.

Children are the worthiest resource for the future. Growing knowledgeable and creative generation for the future is therefore much more important. Whatever the present spending to develop the human resource would of course be a valued investment for the future. Therefore as the most responsible authority for the future of the country government possesses greater responsibility to fund things such as music, dance and art lessons. Because, as long as government spend funds to enhance these entertaining qualities among children ultimately the society will benefit with innovative and harmonized generation which will make the country a better place to live in.

But, on the other hand no any society can totally depend on their government. Responsibility of growing a nourished generation lies with the private sector and the children's families as well. Private sector organizations are one of the major part in the society who will extract the knowledge and skills of the human resource to uplift their businesses. Therefore as an ultimate beneficial party the private sector also should be a contributor to develop entertaining skills of the children in the society. By growing a valued child it is their family who will receive the most accredits from the society. Therefore the family it self too should make a room for funding to develop skills on things like music, dance and art lessons.

Finally I believe in that it is a shared responsibility of the government, private sector and the families of the children's to fund for developing the skills on music, dance and art lessons on children. Because there are families who cannot afford such spending based on their income level while there are people and businesses with lots of additional funds which can invest in these areas. Therefore government,private sector and the families of children's all should engage in contributing to above said lessons depending on the situation.

Please comment on my funding of music, dance and arts lessons for children essay.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to IELTS Essay Feedback Forum.



Traditional Music versus International Music

by Mohammad Zohaib
(Karachi,Sindh,Pakistan)

There are many types of music in the world today.

Why do we need music?

Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?


Nowadays trend of listening music has increased enormous. Some people think that traditional music of any nation is very important and an identity of that nation where as, many people who believe that international music is more effective for any nation.

Today, there is a lot of varieties in the music and these varieties are continuously increasing day by day, for instance folk music is mostly found in Asian countries specially in the south Asian countries like Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, where as, the pop music and rap songs have initially started from Europe and America.
The most important question which occur is why we need music or what is the importance of music in our life?

One of the main reason for listening music is that it give us relaxation when we are in trouble, in depression or want some relaxation from any tough situation. Secondly, music make a person more calm and tension free, so after listening the song the person is in more control to get back to work with more energy and with more passion.

Traditional music of any nation has more importance for that nation for instance if we look in Pakistan or south Asian countries people play their own native songs in their functions, birthday parties and in wedding parties rather than playing English or ay other songs. Moreover, the national songs are also the identity of any nation, these music represent the culture of that nation, so music of any society should be promoted by that society and it should be kept at an asset.

On the other hand international music also have some importance in the society the main reason which i give to support the above argument is people came to know the music of other culture and enjoy the types of music of different societies.

After viewing above discussion it would lead me to conclude on the note that music is very important in life, moreover, cultural music has much importance than other international music and it should be preserved as an asset.

***


I have only one week, next Saturday there is my IELTS test, please guide my can i get 6 bands on this traditional music versus international music essay? And if no what can I do to get 6 bands.

I have written almost 20 to 30 essays. Please guide me guide properly.

Comments for Traditional Music versus International Music

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 22, 2016
Grammar and lexis
by: IELTS buddy

Hi Mohammad,

I think you need to focus on your grammar and vocab (vocab in terms of word forms and collocation - not your actual choice of words).

I think these things will pull your score down as there are quite a few errors.

To help you do that you need to leave enough time to check it. You've written 343 words. This is too many given your need to check your work.

343 may be ok for someone with very good writing skills who can write quickly and accurately without much need to check their work. But you need to keep nearer the 265 range.

You have, for example, wasted your time with paragraph two:

"Today, there is a..." etc.

None of this paragraph answers the question.

And then you have body paragraph four that is quite weakly supported:

"On the other hand international music..." etc

You should not have a large body paragraph (2) that is irrelevant and does not answer the question, then when you come to a paragraph that answers the question (4) write very little in support. It does not make sense to do it that way.

So:

1) Only write body paragraphs that answer the question

2) Write less

3) Check your grammar and lexis

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to IELTS Essay Feedback Forum.


Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.

Band 7+ eBooks

"I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that's not academic language, but it's the truth!"

Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5

ielts buddy ebooks