Task 2: Use of Leisure Time

by Phuong Nhung Nguyen
(Hanoi, Vietnam)

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.

Discuss two views and give your opinion.


Nowadays, with busy lifestyles, there is little time for people to entertain. Therefore, selecting what to do in spare time is fairly prime. Some suggest that it is better to do activities boasting the mind like reading and solving word puzzles. Whereas in contrast, others want to relax their brain completely in leisure time. Before giving my opinion, I will discuss both sides of view.

First of all, doing mental activities is beneficial. When we read or play puzzles, our brain still work at lower capacity in comparison with normal status. It means that the mind in leisure and working time is not much significantly different. Hence, we can remain our adaptation to working pressure despite of the fact that we are free quite a while.

Nevertheless, a great number of people long for their brain to relax thoroughly. In weekdays, they spend eight hours per day to work and the pressure of job makes them exhausted. They are bored with mental activities as their brain are stimulated continuously for job so they need something which is really discrepant even contrast.

From personal thesis, I think that no way outstrips other due to two ways are appropriate for various circumstances. Like for instance, if I have to do enormous workload in office hours, I will likely choose the second way to spend my leisure time. On the other hand, providing that my job is not much uptight, I may challenge my friend to play puzzle or find a peaceful place read some books.

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Corrected Version:


Nowadays, with busy lifestyles, there is little time for people to entertain themselves. Therefore, selecting what to do in one’s spare time is fairly important. Some suggest that it is better to do activities that boost the mind like reading and solving word puzzles, whereas, in contrast, others want to relax their brain completely in their leisure time. I will discuss both points of view.

First of all, doing mental activities is beneficial. When we read or play puzzles, our brain still works at a lower capacity in comparison with its normal status. It means that the mind in leisure and working time is not significantly different. Hence, we can retain our ability to work under pressure despite the fact that we are free for quite a while.

Nevertheless, a great number of people long for and need their brain to relax thoroughly. In weekdays, they spend eight hours per day working and the pressure of their job makes them exhausted. They are bored with mental activities as their brains are stimulated continuously in their job so they need to do something which is very different.



In conclusion, I think that one way is not better than the other way. Each one is appropriate for various circumstances. For instance, if I have an enormous workload in office hours, I will likely choose the second way to spend my leisure time. On the other hand, providing that I am not too uptight in my job, I may challenge my friends to play a puzzle or find a peaceful place to read some books.

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FURTHER COMMENTS


Writing a Conclusion

You do answer the question, however you should still make sure you have a conclusion and it is clear where it is. So you can add a ‘conclusion’ transition word in your last paragraph to do this.

Vocabulary

You have to be careful with your vocab / phrasing. You are making mistakes that will confuse your message e.g.

Prime
Boasting
Remain our adaptation
discrepant even contrast
due to two ways are appropriate
job is not much uptight


Are you trying to put in higher level vocab to boost your score? This is ok for practicing, but only use vocab in the test that you are confident you know how to use, otherwise you will make mistakes and confuse the examiner, thus lowering your score.

Some further vocabulary points:

To entertain = Definition: To receive, or provide entertainment for, guests; as, he entertains generously.

You don’t want this meaning so you must put ‘themselves’ after it i.e. 'entertain themselves."

Complex Sentences

‘whereas’ makes a complex sentence – it must be joined with the clause before (put a comma before it, not a full stop).

Some suggest that it is better to do activities that boost the mind like reading and solving word puzzles, whereas, in contrast, others want to relax their brain completely in their leisure time.

Despite the fact that + sentence (i.e. subject verb)
Despite + noun
We can retain our ability to work under pressure despite the fact that we are free for quite a while.

How to Improve

You can see though, once your grammar / vocab errors have been corrected, your overall answer and organization looks quite good.

So you need to focus on improving your grammar and lexis/vocab (though you do have some good grammar and vocab in your essay too).

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