Cement Making and Concrete Production

by Elshan Salayev
(Baku, Azerbaijan)

IELTS Academic TASK1. I got it from Cambridge Book for IELTS Exams 8.

IELTS Academic TASK1. I got it from Cambridge Book for IELTS Exams 8.

Hello, my friends.

Please, proofread my essay. I am extremely reluctant to ask for feedback elsewhere. I would like to hear from you whether I have achieved the task. See the task at the picture. Thank you in advance.

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The following diagrams illustrate devices and procedures required to produce cement and concrete.

Firstly, cement consists of the two raw materials (limestone and clay) that are transformed into powder by the means of the crusher. Following this, these elements enter the mixer, and, afterwards, are transported into the rotating mechanism where they are exposed to heat. Finally, the resources are ground into fine particles prior to the packaging of the product in the bags.

Secondly, the 4 materials in various proportions are employed to create concrete. To illustrate this, gravel constitutes 50%, whereas only 10% of water is needed. The only mechanism utilized for the production of concrete is the mixer revolving clockwise with gravel, sand, cement and water inside.

Lastly, there are some similarities and differences in the described processes. For instance, the rotating devices are used in both cases. Nevertheless, raw materials are heated only for making cement.

To summarize, even though only concrete needs to be heated, both products consist of various materials that are mixed by special devices.

Comments for Cement Making and Concrete Production

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Nov 11, 2018
Cement and concrete production
by: Anonymous

Good trial. A 6.5 from me.
Avoid using a term more than once - mechanism
Good conclusion but concrete does not need 'heating'
Good approach in comparing the processes:
Lastly, improve on your language generally.

Dec 06, 2018
Common mistakes often made
by: Joko

Overall, your essay is clear, coherent and the minor grammar slips don't get in the way of understanding.

I've been teaching IELTS for a while, and I'm a bit surprised to see the same common mistakes my students make here in Myanmar all the time. The first is test strategy related and the others are grammar.

Lets call the first "synonymania" (I just made that up!). Students are often so eager to replace every word in the process with another "more advances" word of a similar meaning that it costs them in lexical accuracy. The words are similar, not the same. If you don't know what the differences are, look for a simpler "less advanced" aternative in your paraphrasing. Your first sentence:

The following diagrams illustrate devices and procedures required to produce cement and concrete.

When I think of devices, I think of small things like mobile phones or selfie-sticks, not cement mixers. "Procedures" implies rules and ways of acting, what people do, not how to make something .Instead, although less advanced, the words "tools" and "steps" are closer to the original meanings.

Other examples:

transformed (which means completely changed from one thing into something very different) - "crushed" by the crusher."

- transported: "moved" is simpler but more accurate
- exposed to heat: heated
- resources (what they were BEFORE they were raw materials): ingredients, mixture

Onto grammar. I don't know why this one bugs me so much as I see it all the time. Misuse of the definite article "the".

- The two raw materials
- the 4 materials
- the rotating devices

The rule is: Do not use "the" before plural nouns when speaking in general.

- The mixer
- the mechanism
- the mixer

Here we have a singular countable noun mentioned for the first time. You may see it on the diagram, but you haven't talked about it yet. Use "a/an"

Firstly, cement consists of the two raw materials (limestone and clay) that are transformed into powder by the means of the crusher. Following this, these elements enter the mixer, and, afterwards, are transported into the rotating mechanism where they are exposed to heat. Finally, the resources are ground into fine particles prior to the packaging of the product in the bags.

Secondly, the 4 materials in various proportions are employed to create concrete. To illustrate this, gravel constitutes 50%, whereas only 10% of water is needed. The only mechanism utilized for the production of concrete is the mixer revolving clockwise with gravel, sand, cement and water inside.

Lastly, there are some similarities and differences in the described processes. For instance, the rotating devices are used in both cases. Nevertheless, raw materials are heated only for making cement.

To summarize, even though only concrete needs to be heated, both products consist of various materials that are mixed by special devices.

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