Comments for Essay on Machines Replacing People

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May 17, 2016
express not impress
by: Anonymous

Hi, some parts of the paragraphs are confusing such as in Par no.2. You have a lot of ideas mentioned but there's no coherence.

Par no.1 is impressive, the development of ideas is clear. However, please minimize jargonistic words or idioms.

Overall, it is a good essay! God bless in your endeavors!(:

May 17, 2016
REP: express not impress
by: An-Thien Ho

Thank you.

I have to confess that in the third paragraph, I was confused when I read this again. Thank you for pointing that out. I will rewrite another topic and look forward to your comments.

May 18, 2016
Overimpressive vocab
by: Bolanle

I think this is a good essay with few mistakes especially in the use of impressive vocabulary, however, if one can write like this, a good ielts score is probably obtainable.

My test date is also on the 28th this month, I wish us all test takers good luck!

May 18, 2016
Nice try
by: Anonymous

Another typical piece of essay from Asians, I guess you must be a band 1 student at your country. Lots of big words and examples.

As for the content:

1. the example of hover board is interesting, but it looks a bit illogical to say that the youngsters will lose their ability to walk since they are just toys.

2. the introduction is too long, try to cut the crap and get straight into the skeleton of your essay.

3. the conclusion looks memorised. for the sake of coherence, you should try to summarize both sides of your arguments with one or two concluding keywords.

As for your grammar:

1. many minor and subtle grammatical mistakes, especially with "articles", subject-verb agreement and plural nouns / verbs.

2. many redundant sentences. Try to convey only one message / idea in a sentence.

May 18, 2016
Read the question carefully
by: Anonymous

Overall it was a very good essay. Your vocabulary is impressive.

Though i guess you didn't analyze the question carefully. It wasn't asking for your opinion. With this kind of question, You just simply state the advantages and disadvantages with some supporting statements.

This way, you are really answering the question appropriately. But with your writing skills, you're sure to get a high score. Just read the question carefully.

I hope this helps. Good luck on your exam.

May 18, 2016
Thanks all
by: An-Thien Ho

Thank you for your comments.

First of all, I'm a band 2 student (physics) :D.
Secondly, well, I appreciate all your help. I'm about to write another essay with the above tips.

Thanks. I will try to write more carefully. :D

Sep 11, 2017
Tnx helen

It's very useful to my homework thx a lot helen. I want to many more essays to improve my general knowledge. I wish you helen.

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