Would you like to check my Writing? (task 1)

by gaga
(Indonesia)


The graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Generally, there is an increase for all three graphs to represent an the population of old people-65 and more years-old in three countries- USA, Sweden and Japan from 1940 to 2040.

All years are divided into five terms year. In the first term (1940), USA took the first place, in approximately 8%, then followed by Sweden in between 5% until 6%. The last rank is taken by Japan with 5% value.The rank position did not change until in the middle term (2020). Sweden, will rise dramatically at 20%, USA will follow which decrease gradually at about 14%. The last place still hold Japan at 8%. In the end of term, Japan will make steep inclination slope and reach first place at over 25%, Sweden will be the runner up at 25% and USA will be the last at about 23%.

Overall, Each country has inclination trend-line, with Sweden mostly placed the second level, USA and Japan exchange place from the first to the last term.

Comments for Would you like to check my Writing? (task 1)

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Feb 16, 2018
Some comments
by: The IELTS Guy

Hi.

Some comments on your answer.

For your first paragraph, remember that the graph is showing results that extend until 2040. This means that part of the graph is actually showing a projection into the future. You should try to include this in your description.

In your second paragraph you state "Generally, there is an increase for all three graphs. Itwuld be clearer to say that there is an increase for all three countries - there is only one graph.

In your third paragraph, there is probably no need to talk about the "5 year terms" as this is just a style used when graphs cover a long period of time. So you could say "In 1940 the USA had the highest proportion of citizens over 65, with 8%". Instead of saying "the middle term" you might say "In the years between 2020 and 2025..."

In your fourth paragraph you state that "Overall, Each country has inclination trend-line". A clearer and simpler way to express this is to say "Overall, each country has shown an increasing trend..."

I hope this helps. I have just launched a new website at www.theieltsguy.com that you might like to check.

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