IELTS Sample Writing:
Global Environmental Damage

by johnson
(MALAYSIA)

Reducing global environmental damage should be handled by governments rather than individuals.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


The damage to the environment is increasing at an alarming rate mainly due to human activities. Even though a great deal of effort is being now made by governments all over the world, individuals also have a major role to play in the minimizing global environmental hazard.

To begin with, one of the major reasons for the pollution of the environment is the uncontrolled use of automobiles. If individuals can make a conscious effort to change their lifestyle, by cutting down the use of private cars and use public transport, it would substantially reduce the burning of fossil fuels. In other words, serious attempt could be made by individuals to travel to work regularly by buses and trains, which are cheap and abundant. Hence, Individual perceptive towards using these transports could help in the reduction of emissions produced by vehicles, and there by playing a vital role in addressing this issue.

In addition to this, individual could play a significant role towards safety our environment by not using enormous amount of plastic in daily life, which is a hazardous pollutant of the soil. In other words, almost every consumer use plastics while doing shopping, and there is always use and throw culture. Instead of using this, Individuals efforts could be taken into account opting for eco friendly substitutes. For example, people can use paper and cloth bags instead of plastic in supermarkets. So, use of plastics on the environment is devastating, and must find alternatives to plastic from the individual perceptive.

In conclusion, it seems to me that environmental problem is the worrying concern and individuals have a crucial role in joining hands with the government in reducing the harm caused to the environment. Lack of individual participation could mean that addressing environmental issue is beyond reach.

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IELTS buddy
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Corrected Version:

The damage to the environment is increasing at an alarming rate mainly due to human activities. Even though a great deal of effort is being now now being made by governments all over the world, individuals also have a major role to play in the minimizing global environmental hazards.

To begin with, one of the major reasons for the pollution of the environment is the uncontrolled use of automobiles. If individuals can make a conscious effort to change their lifestyle, by cutting down the use of private cars and using public transport, it would substantially reduce the burning of fossil fuels. In other words, serious attempts could be made by individuals to travel to work regularly by buses and trains, which are cheap and abundant. Hence, individual perceptions towards using these types of transport could help in the reduction of emissions produced by vehicles, and thereby play a vital role in addressing this issue.



(I think you spend too much of this paragraph explaining this one point - for example, this last point in italics is really just saying what you have already said. It is good to fully explain things as you have done, but don't overdo it).

In addition to this, individuals could play a significant role towards safety our environment making our environment safer by not using enormous amounts of plastic in daily life, which is a hazardous pollutant of the soil. In other words, For example, almost every consumer uses plastics while doing shopping, and there is always a 'use and throw away' culture. Instead of using doing this, individuals efforts could be taken into account opting (not sure what you mean here) could opt for eco friendly substitutes For example, people can use (grammar ok here but 'for example' twice would look odd) such as using paper and cloth bags instead of plastic in supermarkets. So, use of plastics on the environment is devastating, and people must find alternatives to plastic from the individual perceptive (again, not sure what you mean here).

(With this bit in italics you are again repeating what you have already said)

In conclusion, it seems to me that environmental problems are a is the worrying concern and individuals have a crucial role in joining hands with the government in reducing the harm caused to the environment. Lack of individual participation could mean that addressing environmental issue is beyond reach.

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FURTHER COMMENTS


It is a good answer as you address the question (*though not fully - see updated comments below for December), you have some good use of vocabulary and grammar, and you explain things.

But as I said above, don't go over each point too much. You could have probably included one more idea to support your argument rather than going over each point too much. This would have made your argument stronger.

Vocabulary

In other words = careful how you use this. It is used to repeat the same thing that has just been said but in different words. In the second case you are not repeating the same thing but giving more detail, or an example.

individual perceptions = I am not sure what you mean when you say this. What you say in your essay doesn't seem to be anything to do with people's 'perceptions', it is their 'actions'.

Parallelism

...by cutting down the use of private cars and use public transport...

...could help in the reduction of emissions produced by vehicles, and there by playing...

Keep structures parallel. In the first one, 'use' should also be a gerund as 'cutting' is. And in the second one 'help' is an infinitive so 'playing' should be as well.

Thanks

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Global Environmental Damage

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Apr 21, 2012
Environmental Damage
by: Johnson

Now it is good essay should I have to add some points

It is true that the damage to the environment is increasing at an alarming rate mainly due to human activities. Even though a great deal of effort is now being made by governments all over the world, individuals also have a major role to play in minimizing global environmental hazards.

To begin with, one of the major reasons for the pollution of the environment is the uncontrolled use of automobiles. If individuals can make a conscious effort to change their lifestyle, by cutting down the use of private cars and using public transport, it would substantially reduce the burning of fossil fuels. In other words, serious attempts could be made by individuals to travel to work regularly by buses and trains, which are cheap and abundant.

In addition to this, individuals could play a significant role towards making our environment safer by not using enormous amounts of plastic in daily life, which is a hazardous pollutant of the soil. For example, almost every consumer uses plastics while shopping, and there is always a 'use and throw away' culture. Instead of doing this, individuals could opt for eco friendly substitutes such as using paper and cloth bags instead of plastic in supermarkets.

In conclusion, it seems to me that environmental problems are a worrying concern and individuals have a crucial role in joining hands with the government in reducing the harm caused to the environment. Lack of individual participation could mean that addressing environmental issue is beyond reach.

Apr 21, 2012
Environmental Damage Essay
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

It is now 247 words so it is too short. So yes, you would need to add another supporting point.

Thanks

Jul 09, 2012
Globalisation impacts negatively on developing countries. Do you agree or disagree?
by: Anonymous

Globalisation is an inevitable process that helps nations around the world become more and more connected. It simply means that the world has become more integrated economically, socially, politically and culturally through the advances of technology, transportation and communication. Many people assume that developing countries will benefit from this process, however, far from having a positive influence, underdeveloped nations have been affected negatively in term of economy and culture.

Firstly, a significant drawback of globalisation is that the economies of developing countries are negatively affected by the competition between multinationals and local companies. With abandunt capital and modern technologies, international companies often fix prices lower than rivals’ in order to penetrate, stabilize and expand the consume market. Therefore, domestic customers tend to buy more of their products. As a result, local firms may lose market share and be bankrupted which can lead to the economies of developing countries becoming weak and unstable.

Another negative impact of globalisation is that sometimes the cultures of underdeveloped countries are negatively affected by films and music which are introduced from developed countries through globalisation. A good example of this is Vietnam’s culture that , which is negatively affected by music and movies imported from America, Korea and China. People often prefer foreign films and music instead of its own nations. Hence, movies and music of the poor countries seem difficult to develop which may lead to loss of the traditional values.

In conclusion, althought although most countries in the world can’t deny the benefit of globalisation, it is still clear that this process impacts negatively on the economies and culture of developing countries through competition with domestic companies and harming cultures in the form of films and music. Therefore, the government of developing countries should control and monitor the globalisation by effective policies which are appropriate with for every aspect of their countries.

Jul 11, 2012
Globalisation impacts negatively on developing countries. Do you agree or disagree?
by: IELTS buddy

Its a very good answer, with just a few errors.

Dec 26, 2012
Missing an idea
by: Anonymous

Please correct me if I'm wrong. According to his thesis statement in the introduction, he didn't discuss the second point which is the role of the government. Otherwise, he has reconsider the introduction. But the ideas are very good
Thanks for this site. Appreciated efforts

Dec 31, 2012
Thesis Statement
by: ielts buddy

Hi,

I haven't looked at this question for a while, but upon looking at it again I think you are right.

The thesis statement says that the government is doing many things so in the essay it would be better to state briefly what these things are and to say why individuals would be more suited to tackle the problems.

The question is specifically asking WHO is best suited to deal with the problems - the Government or Individuals. So the thesis should state clearly who is best to deal with it and then explain why.

Jan 12, 2013
Reducing global environmental damage
by: len

Global warming is one of the major problems of every country due to different human activities causing huge damage to our mother nature. Although, the government plays a big role in minimizing environmental damage everyone must show concern in this situation to have a better solution.

To begin with, one of the major reasons for the pollution of the environment is improper garbage disposal. If individuals are aware of proper segregating of garbage this will lessen toxic problem. Japan is one classic example the Japanese people are well disciplined in terms of segregating their waste product and their government set schedules in collecting their waste disposal. In addition cutting down the use of private cars instead use of a bicycle for transportation, it would reduce the use of gasoline causing air pollution. And use of bicycle going to work serve as a healthy exercise in our everyday routine will decrease the risk of obesity. As a result the government will have enough funds for preventing environmental damage because the risk for obesity was reduced.

Furthermore, instead of cutting off trees used for building houses and furniture use other material like cement in building home or using glass for making furnitures. This will minimize destroying our mountains.

In conclusion, showing concerns in our environment will help our future children to experience the magic beauty of nature and this will be more effective if all individuals will help government in reducing global environmental problems.



Aug 22, 2013
Why Our Environment Polluted
by: Anonymous

I Think,Pollution is increasing day by day. There are lot of reason behind this.

Firstly we can say that The automobiles Are increasing on the roads .these all are produced lot of dangerous gases which pollute our environment.and people get a lot of diseases from air.

secondly our industries have a big role in environment .some chemical are produced by industries which are mixing in our rivers and people use the river water for drinking,bathing and some other places in this way chemical are entered in human body . this is also main reason of diseases.

Thirdly the unwanted uses of plastic like as plastic polythene . every day we go to market for shopping. shopkeepers give us all material in plastic polythene.after use of plastic we put it in open area .in this way we are polluted our environment.

if we want to clean our environment we should try to use of paper and cloth bag.our government should try to bann on plastic, try to control on traffic and stopped the unwanted vehicles. government should try to stricket rules against industry list so that we can control all things which polluted our environment

Sep 11, 2013
Tradional VS International Music
by: Niner X

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

You should write at least 250 words.

Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples
and relevant evidence.
____________

Since time immemorial, prolific kinds and classifications of music can be listened to and enjoyed worldwide, making it as an essential piece-of-art which conveys emotions and entertainment among diverse age groups of different races. While some people enjoy listening to international types of melodies, many still prefer to stick to traditional tunes, which originated from their own nations. This essay will compare the level of importance of traditional music versus the tunes played by international artists.

Along with the modernization in technology, the new generation of singers and artists were able to compose highly technical types of music as rock, jazz and ballads, which are accompanied by high notes and loud backgrounds. While most of the listeners can enjoy those novice types of entertainment, some of the compositions may bear languages that could be hard to understand for some audience with less knowledge on that specific piece. Nevertheless, foreign music is important to be shared since it imparts some bits of information that could possibly be unknown to other nationals outside their country.

Upon the other hand, I strongly concur that traditional types of music is more vital to be treasured and nurtured more than the international ones for various grounds. Firstly, original classic melodies speak most of the nation’s history and way of living in the remote and recent past. Secondly, those types of compositions encompass languages that are easily understood by ordinary people, thus, they can able to relate to them with ease and less hassle. Lastly, those pieces play a great role for the preservation of art and culture of the country where it started off.

On balance, abundance of music genre, in the national and international setting is greatly observable in the present times. Indeed, music is important for the lives of the people across the lifespan, and local and foreign types of which could actually coexist, although, national classic tunes pose a greater importance than international ones for the perpetuation of history, culture and arts of a country.
_________

35 minutes.

Jan 14, 2014
SOS
by: Anonymous

Hi) Can you help me to write essay. And can you check me essay?

Feb 01, 2014
IELTS written
by: Alda

What can I do if I don't have any idea about it?

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