Task 2 Sample Essay:
Number of Elderly People

by Ramesh
(India)

In future it is expected that there will be higher proportion of older people in some countries.

Is this positive or negative development?


Some countries would face more older people in future. I believe that this trend could have negative effects on these countries development.

To begin with, older people can have a significant impact on countries economy. First and foremost, they rely on a pension and do not go to work. So, more older people mean government have to arrange more money for their pensions, which means financial lost to that country. Secondly, government have to support them, for example, by giving them discount for electricity bills, water bills and for other requirements. As a result, economy of that specific country could suffer.

In addition, health authorities could face serious challenge, if number of old age people will increase in future. Hospital admissions might be higher and waiting list could be long for some procedures and operations. In this case, more likely that mortality rates could go up, if patients with serious illnesses will not get an appointment on the time. Second major problem that health authorities could experience is with financial budget as older people require more free screening examinations, for examples, vaccines, blood test. For these screening programmes health sectors have to spend large amount money.

Lastly, unemployment rates could rise for some of the fields such as nursery. Parents will not send their children to nursery because of avaibility of grandparents at home.

In Conclusion, in my opinion, it is inevitable that countries development might suffer, if older people’s figure will rise in future as they put pressure on some of the departments of that country such as financial and health.

(Dear Sir ,can you please correct my essaay by tomorrow because I have an exam on this saturday)

my humble request to you.
THANKS in advance.

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Some countries would will face have more older people in the future. I believe that this trend could have negative effects on these countries development the development of certain countries in the future.

To begin with, older people can have a significant impact on a countries economy. First and foremost, they rely on a pension and do not go to work. So, more older people means governments have to arrange more money for their pensions, which means financial lost loss to that country. Secondly, governments have to support them, for example, by giving them discounts for electricity bills, water bills and for other requirements. As a result, the economy of that specific country could suffer.

In addition, health authorities could face serious challenges (no comma here) if the number of old aged people will increases in the future. Hospital admissions might be higher and waiting lists could be long for some procedures and operations. In this case, it is more likely that mortality rates could go up (no comma here) if patients with serious illnesses will do not get an appointment on the time. The second major problem that health authorities could experience is with financial budgets as older people require more free screening examinations, for examples such as vaccines and blood tests. For these screening programmes health sectors have to spend large amounts of money.

Lastly, unemployment rates could rise for some of the employment fields such as nurseries. Parents will not send their children to nursery because of the avaibility of  grandparents at home.

In Conclusion, in my opinion, it is inevitable that countries development might suffer (no comma) if older people’s figure will the number of old people rises in the future as they put pressure on some of the departments of that country such as finance and health.

(Dear Sir ,can you please correct my essaay by tomorrow because I have an exam on this saturday)

my humble request to you.

THANKS in advance.


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IELTS buddy

Feedback


It's generally a good response as you answer the question, you have a clear opinion, and you have one central idea in each body paragraph.

But remember the question says 'higher proportion'. This means more elderly people in proportion to younger people, not necessarily that the number will be far higher.

So it might be a good idea to talk about how the government will get less taxes from younger people to pay for the elderly.

General Nouns

The main problem you seems to have is missing the 's' off words.

If you are using a general noun (i.e. talking genearlly rather than specifially about something as is often the case in IELTS) you put an 's' on it.

Developing Ideas

I think you should exclude this from your essay:


Lastly, unemployment rates could rise for some of the employment fields such as nurseries. Parents will not send their children to nursery because of the avaibility of  grandparents at home.


It is ok to make some guesses about what could happen, but this seems a bit too much like guess work. As I said above, it is the proportion of elderly people.

Comments for Task 2 Sample Essay:
Number of Elderly People

Click here to add your own comments

May 28, 2013
its good
by: amarjit singh chaudhary

you idea is good but some spelling mistake

Aug 15, 2013
thumbs up!
by: Anonymous

I like your essay, you have some valid ideas. However, I agree that the fourth paragraph is redundant, because the argument is not developed enough.

Sep 06, 2013
my own response to the situation posted
by: Anonymous

Would greatly appreciate your review for the essay.

Some individuals anticipate a disproportion in the number between the young and old generation which will be unfavorable in the development of a few countries. This essay will present the adverse effects on a country wherein the general populace will consist of mostly the elderly.

First, there will not be enough workforce to keep the economy running. The deficit will decrease the revenue received by the government from payroll taxes. To increase the labor pool, the government will need to spend a budget to invite foreign educated and trained workers to fill the job vacancies.

Second, health care costs are four to five times higher with the elderly because of their deteriorating well-being. Wear-and-tear on their bodies accumulated over the years make their immune system more susceptible to disease. It will be a necessity to allocate a considerable budget from the government to improve the quality of their life.

Lastly, only a small number of natives will be able to uphold traditions of their motherland. For example, a group of elderly women in Japan are known for free-dive fishing as their means of livelihood and the youngest in their team is 40 years old. They are unable to pass this practice since their younger counterparts prefer to work in an office or at a different city or job.

In summary, a predominantly old-aged society will certainly have a negative impact on a country's advancement. Instead of allocating the funds to improve education, infrastructure and health care, it is more likely to be spent on prolonging the quality of life for the seniority and advertising available job opportunities to foreign workers while increasing the risk of losing cultural legacies.

Jun 07, 2014
IELTS
by: Sam

Hi Ramesh can you please give me ur mail-id i want to ask you something about exam..

Jun 08, 2014
iletsbuddy
by: Anonymous

Is reasons of reduction in young people lives can be written in this essay like sedentry life styles, drug addicted youngster,unemployement.

Jun 28, 2015
Good essay
by: Anonymous

It is a good essay, but you should not use the word "I" beciuse it makes your essay unconvicable.

Mar 10, 2016
This Writing has not answered the question properly.
by: Kunal Rathi

Dear IELTS buddy,

As from the question i understand the it is asking "Is it Positive or Negative Development in some countries where there can be higher proportion of of older people expectations."

What i think is, it is Positive Development.

Whereas the writing given shows how the older people will effect the development of some country when their proportion gets higher.

What do you say?

Mar 10, 2016
This Writing has not answered the question properly.
by: IELTS buddy

Hi Kunal,

I'm not really sure what you are asking. It does answer the question.

The question basically states that the proportion of elderly is going to increase and asks if you think this is a good or bad thing.

The writer thinks it's a bad thing which is fine if this is their opinion (this is clearly stated in the thesis) and gives reasons why in the paragraphs (the reasons why are entirely up to the writer).

So the response is fine.

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