Task 2: Necessity of Mobile Phones for Children

by vik
(melbourne)

The dangers and complexities of modern world have made mobile phone an absolute neccessity forchildren.

To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, almost everyone posseses mobile phone. It is becoming an important tool for safety of children, specially with the new smart phones, but it also involves some drawbacks.

Firstly, with the new smart phone parents can keep an eye on their children, where they are without calling them, as all these phones has built in global positioning system (gps) localisation. This will help to reduce school truancy. Although, the aplication can be disabled it will will give an indication, the system is off.

Secondly, with the increase numbers of crimes such as raping, kidnaping in modern days, it is good for children to have a mobile phone if ever they are in such situation, they can transfer the news by mean of text messaging or authorities can locate the place.

But, there is some disadvantages. Children are not concentring in their studies or listen to teachers, as they texting their boyfreind or girlfriend. Even they are not doing homework given . As a result an increase in number of failures. This is not for children for their future as we need good marks for university or good job.

Although mobile phones haves some constraints, I believe it is very important for children to have one if it is not misused.

=====
IELTS buddy
Feedback:

Here is the corrected version and there are some comments below:
__________________

Nowadays, almost everyone possesses a mobile phone. It is becoming an important tool for the safety of children, especially with the new smart phones, but it also involves some drawbacks.

Firstly, with the new smart phone parents can keep an eye on their children. They can know where they are without calling them as all these phones have built in global positioning system (gps) localisation. This will help to reduce school truancy. Although the application can be disabled, it will give an indication of where that person is, even if the system is off.

Secondly, with the increasing numbers of crimes such as rape and kidnapping in modern times, it is good for children to have a mobile phone. If ever they are in such a situation, they can transfer the news by means of text messaging or authorities can locate the place.

However, there are some disadvantages. Children are not concentrating on their studies or listening to teachers as they are texting their boyfriend or girlfriend. They are even not doing the homework they have been given. As a result, there is an increase in the number of failures at school. This is not good for children or their future as they need good marks for university or a good job.

Although mobile phones haves some constraints, I believe it is very important for children to have one as long as they are not misused.
___________________


You generally have ok ideas in the essay, and the general organization of the essay and paragraphs is ok.

Check your essay against mine to see some of the grammar mistakes you made. However, there are two main problems:

1) It’s too short

Be careful with word length – it is 209 words, so your band score will be reduced because of this.

2) You have some sentence structure problems:

“with the new smart phone parents can keep an eye on their children, (CS) where they are without calling them” = comma splice

“Although, the aplication can be disabled it will will give an indication, (CS) the system is off.” = comma splice and no comma after although.

“it is good for children to have a mobile phone (RO) if ever they are in such situation,” = run on

“As a result, an increase in number of failures” = fragment (incomplete sentence) as you have missing verb.

You need to review how to write ‘complex’, ‘compound’, and ‘simple’ sentences. It will take too long to explain how to do this here, so search on the internet or ask a teacher if you are having lessons.

I will be adding something about this to the website soon.

So, overall, I think you need to focus on improving your sentence structure / grammar and word length in order to increase your score.



Comments for Task 2: Necessity of Mobile Phones for Children

Click here to add your own comments

May 30, 2014
Necessity of mobile phone for children
by: Anonymous

i want to write about the subject 'Necessity of mobile phone for children'

please check it for me.


modern world is accompanied with its own dangerous apart from making our life better. phone can be both a safety and dangerous gadget, that parents prefer their children have one for their security.

regarding the increase of crime rate such as kidnapping, raping, fighting , parent rely on control them by mobile phone. they feel they can take care of them by keeping contact with. as well as having phone and then becoming checked by parent, children can be free to hang around in their spare time. actually, they will be under parents cameras. so phones are counted as a necessity device.

But, without any doubt, phones have some disadvantages. these days communication instrument are producing with high qualify. many entertainment are installed on phones and children can be distracted easily while studying, listening to teachers by sending massages.also they can make friend online through by mobile and consequently wasting much time for getting to know them and so on. so phone can be a big drawback on their way to improve.

in sum, i suppose mobile phone is a necessity but it should be in kind of simple no smart one.

Dec 21, 2014
not bad
by: Anonymous

better than above essay

May 06, 2015
My Necessity of Mobile Phones for Children Essay
by: Anonymous

In the times we spent as teenagers, there were no means of communication with children when they were away from home. Life was simpler as well, and people more friendly and co operative.

The world has advanced to a completely different phase than from a pre-global village era. Crimes have become high tech, and criminals more technology savvy.
As the criminals have found more crutches to support their ways, the people too should adopt modern means of countering them. Through mobile phone technology, parents can keep track of their children by means of global positioning service. This should allow the parents to keep an eye on their whereabouts, and rescue them in case of any undesirable incident such as a kidnapping or if they forgot their way home. It can also allow the parents to keep in touch with their children when they are away from home thus ensuring their safety.

However there are shortcomings as well, mobile phone can also allow the children ready access to unruly company. They can make friends with such people and keep in touch with them without their parents' approval. Mobile phones also reduce face to face interaction; texting has become quite popular with the youth thus eroding social interaction skills and physical movement and exercise. Nowadays mobile phones are quite expensive; instead of countering the criminals through this technology, the children carrying such phones can instead become their target. Such phones also allow access to the internet where they can access inappropriate content. The mobile phones provided to the children should be cheaper ones so as to avoid the negative attention.

Mobile phone technology for children definitely has it advantages if the negative aspect is duly recognized and neutralized.

Jun 13, 2015
Here Essay regarding Necessity of Mobile Phones for Children
by: Anonymous

Now a days Mobile is basic need of human life style it helps human formally & casually. still there are many advantages & disadvantage of this tool.

For children if we provide mobile it will help them like when they are in class if they are being late while the classes they can text at home by using cellphone or they can also call. Even if they want some general knowledge regarding any kind of they can search on cellphone by using INTERNET in it. But it is only when it is necessary. When science have invented all this stuffs for human it has some limit if you miss use it will be not enough for human. it helps parents to track on their child. Even those days rape murder this type of crime has been increased. Mobil will help students in such of emergency cases.

Like we see some of children use mobile while they learn they use this tool for playing Games calling massaging their, homers friends. Unwontedly if u miss use this as for other reasons it disturb with studies. it may be reason of making minimum marks in exams. By using more of this tool many problem creates at home,in family too. over all it is man maid facility if we use by work to work so it is more beautiful.

So this man maid facility has been connected all over the world. Only thing is how we use. positively if we use it will help always. if you use it as for unwanted factors it harms.

Oct 07, 2015
help
by: Anonymous

if there is 2 statements in the question and the question ' to what extent do u agree or disagree ' can i only write about the statement that i agree with? without mentioning the other side?

Oct 08, 2015
Agreeing with one side
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

No, you can look at both sides even if you only agree with one.

The important thing is that you would need to be a skilled enough writer to write your essay in a way that makes it clear that when you discuss the other side, you do not agree with it, you are just pointing out the other side's arguments.

Here is an example with an essay about Airline Tax.

Oct 18, 2016
khg
by: hkf

It is very necessary to use a phone.

Jul 22, 2017
necessity of mobile phone for children.
by: Anonymous

In today's world, mobile phones have become a part and parcel of the lives of people. Although there are some negative aspects of providing mobiles to children but they are proven to be more beneficial to everyone.

Firtly, the advancement in new technologies has not only provided help to the children but also to their parents, as they have easy access to the ways to keep eye on their children. Children nowadays have become tech-masters and they know many applications that not only help them in their studies but also help them to socialise with new people.

Secondly, in the world of crimes like rapes and murders ,children can easily reach out for the help through their phones. They have easy access to the helpline numbers and different application which help police to reach to the crime place on time.

On the other hand, there are surely some disadvatages attached to this idea of providing phones to them. Children often on the name of socializing don't listen to their parents. They often skip their studies as they are busy playing games on their phones. This is not good for the children's future.

To sum up, yes there are many negative aspects of providing children with mobiles phone but yet I believe it is very important for children to have one as long as they are misused.

Jul 22, 2017
correct mistakes in this new essay
by: Anonymous

PlZ correct the mistakes in this new essay ielts buddy.

Nov 13, 2017
Cool
by: Hura

Ohhhhh i like this

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Writing Submissions - Task 2.