November 2017 - IELTS Graph Avoiding a Band 5 for Task Achievement

by IELTS buddy



In the writing clinic today we’ll look at how to avoid something that could lead to you getting a band 5 for Task Achievement.


You want to avoid that!

Take a look at the paragraphs below which are taken from a description of the graphs above (they are just paragraph extracts - not the full description).

Each paragraph has the same problem, a problem that could lead to a band 5 or even lower for Task Achievement if it is repeated regularly in the response.

You can post your answers in the comments below. The answer will be posted Friday.

What is wrong with these descriptions?

Graph One

The next most popular country for Britons to move to was Spain, though its popularity declined over the time frame to finish at below 30,000 in 2007. Britons are likely to be moving there because of the better weather. Despite this, the figure was still higher than for the remaining three countries. Approximately 20,000 people emigrated to New Zealand each year, while the USA fluctuated between 20-25,000 people over the period.

Graph Two

In detail, in 1960 the motor car was used least as a method of transport with only about 7% of the population using this method but car use grew steadily and strongly to finally reach about 37% of the population by 2000. This was a massive 5-fold increase in use. The growing use of cars is a real problem because of the pollution that it causes.

***

Answer


The problem with the paragraphs were that they had irrelevant information / personal opinion. You can see it in red:

______


The next most popular country for Britons to move to was Spain, though its popularity declined over the time frame to finish at below 30,000 in 2007. Britons are likely to be moving there because of the better weather. Despite this, the figure was still higher than for the remaining three countries. Approximately 20,000 people emigrated to New Zealand each year, while the USA fluctuated between 20-25,000 people over the period.

In detail, in 1960 the motor car was used least as a method of transport with only about 7% of the population using this method but car use grew steadily and strongly to finally reach about 37% of the population by 2000. This was a massive 5-fold increase in use. The growing use of cars is a real problem because of the pollution that it causes.

______


In the Academic Task 1 you should only report on the facts that you see in the graph.

You should not speculate on reasons why that data may be as it is. Doing so could easily reduce your Task Achievement band score to a 5 or even a 4 if you do it throughout your description.



Comments for November 2017 - IELTS Graph Avoiding a Band 5 for Task Achievement

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Nov 06, 2017
Task 1, Image2 Answer
by: sahil Chauhan

The bar graph represent the proportion of vehicle which was used by european in three years 1960, 1980 and 2000.

Overall, the most stricking point can be observed that car was the most fevourite vehicle and bike was the least liked vehicle at the end of the period.

To begin with, In 1960, car was the most least liked transport mode by the europe at only 5% but with the passage of the time it increased dramatically and reached at the peak at 40% in 2000 and becomed the most fevourite vehicle in 2000. whereas, 25% people prefered to used bike in 1960 and decreaced regularly and arrived at 5%only which was least liked transport mode than others in 2000.

The percentage of the travellers in bus was at nearly 18% in 1960 which flactuated and reached at almost 1% less than 1960 in 2000. At last, the tremendous change can be seen in the foot, just under the 35% travellers liked to use foot in 1960 which faal steadily and reached at almost 4 times less than 1960 in 2000.

Nov 06, 2017
Task 1.....Image1 answer
by: sahil Chauhan

The horizental bar graph illustrates the the number of british people who moving to 5 different nations (Australia, Spain, Newzealand,Usa and France)between the 2004-2007. units are measured in 000's.

overall, most striking point can be observed that Australia was the most liked city by the british people as well as France was the least liked nation by the UK.

To begin with, it can be seen clearly that australia was the most liked country to the shifting for UK which was at just over the 40 in 2004 which reached at almost 45 in 2007. Following this, spain at nearby 35 in 2004 which decreaced slightly and reached at closed to 30 in 2007. however, in 2004, slightly over 20 people prefered to migration in newzealand which gently fall and arrived at exectly 20 by 2007.

The number of UK people who emigration to USA was flactuated between the around 24 to 19 by the given period. At last, france was the nation where Uk people least migration at nearby 18 in 2007.

Nov 03, 2017
Writting format
by: Rostam

The writing format did not dpply.
Writing format:
1.introduction
➡pharafrase question(1sentence).
➡overview:overall view on diagram(1sentence).
2.body paragrah
3.cnclusion

Nov 02, 2017
Graphs
by: Anonymous

Graph 1
The next most popular country for Britons to move to was Spain, although its popularity declined over the time to finish at below 30,000 in 2007. Approximately 20,000 people emigrated to New Zealand each year, while the USA fluctuated between 20-25,000 people over the period.

Grap 2
In detail, motor cars were used as the least preferred method of transport about 7% in 1960, whereas, a number of car users rocket up around 40% in the year2000, which was about 7-fold of increase compared with the year 1960.

Nov 02, 2017
NEW
by: Anonymous

In both of the paras there was personal opinion which lowers the score, and grammar and spelling mistakes too.

Nov 02, 2017
Both Graph
by: Kami

In addition minor grammatical errors, I think the major contributing factor to a low score is giving personal opinion or knowledge in such task.
The response should start with introduction of the information being presented and should at least touch maximum possible data of the graph. The response should also have proper closing remarks.

Nov 02, 2017
Corrected
by: Anonymous

Graph one
The next most popular country for Brotons to move to was Spain,though it's popularity declined over time to finish at below thirty thousand in 2007.Approximately 20,000 pepole emigrated to New Zealand each year while the USA emigration fluctuated between 20-25000 over the peroid .


Graph two
In the year 1960, car was least popular among diffferent means of transport at around five percent while it's use grew dramatically by five fold in the year 2000.

Nov 01, 2017
Graph 1 and 2
by: Carol

Graph 1

The most popular destination Britons want to emigrate was Australia.

Graph 2

car use grew steadily and strongly to finally reach about 37% of the total traveller by 2000.

Nov 01, 2017
My opinion
by: Anonymous

Writer added his own opinion which wasn't illustration in the diagram.

Nov 01, 2017
Error
by: Anonymous

Both paragragh have grammatical errors and wrong use of words.

Nov 01, 2017
Error.
by: okeke perpetua

There was grammatical error in spelling, and use of wrong words. E.g Briton, instead of Britain, etc. Secondly much of personal opinion isn't needed, but facts of what is seen on the graph.

Nov 01, 2017
wrong personal comments
by: Elizabeth

In both paragraphs, personal opinions are given.
This is wrong, only descriptions of facts should be given.

Nov 01, 2017
Graphs with multiple bars
by: Anonymous

Would it be more appropriate to start with: The Graph above shows the British emigration destinations as Australia, New Zealand, Spain and France, between 2004 and 2007.

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