Task 2 Sample Essay:
Number of Elderly People

by Ramesh
(India)

In future it is expected that there will be higher proportion of older people in some countries.

Is this positive or negative development?


Some countries would face more older people in future. I believe that this trend could have negative effects on these countries development.

To begin with, older people can have a significant impact on countries economy. First and foremost, they rely on a pension and do not go to work. So, more older people mean government have to arrange more money for their pensions, which means financial lost to that country. Secondly, government have to support them, for example, by giving them discount for electricity bills, water bills and for other requirements. As a result, economy of that specific country could suffer.

In addition, health authorities could face serious challenge, if number of old age people will increase in future. Hospital admissions might be higher and waiting list could be long for some procedures and operations. In this case, more likely that mortality rates could go up, if patients with serious illnesses will not get an appointment on the time. Second major problem that health authorities could experience is with financial budget as older people require more free screening examinations, for examples, vaccines, blood test. For these screening programmes health sectors have to spend large amount money.

Lastly, unemployment rates could rise for some of the fields such as nursery. Parents will not send their children to nursery because of avaibility of grandparents at home.

In Conclusion, in my opinion, it is inevitable that countries development might suffer, if older people’s figure will rise in future as they put pressure on some of the departments of that country such as financial and health.

(Dear Sir ,can you please correct my essaay by tomorrow because I have an exam on this saturday)

my humble request to you.
THANKS in advance.

==================================================

Some countries would will face have more older people in the future. I believe that this trend could have negative effects on these countries development the development of certain countries in the future.

To begin with, older people can have a significant impact on a countries economy. First and foremost, they rely on a pension and do not go to work. So, more older people means governments have to arrange more money for their pensions, which means financial lost loss to that country. Secondly, governments have to support them, for example, by giving them discounts for electricity bills, water bills and

for other requirements. As a result, the economy of that specific country could suffer.

In addition, health authorities could face serious challenges (no comma here) if the number of old aged people will increases in the future. Hospital admissions might be higher and waiting lists could be long for some procedures and operations. In this case, it is more likely that mortality rates could go up (no comma here) if patients with serious illnesses will do not get an appointment on the time. The second major problem that health authorities could experience is with financial budgets as older people require more free screening examinations, for examples such as vaccines and blood tests. For these screening programmes health sectors have to spend large amounts of money.

Lastly, unemployment rates could rise for some of the employment fields such as nurseries. Parents will not send their children to nursery because of the avaibility of  grandparents at home.

In Conclusion, in my opinion, it is inevitable that countries development might suffer (no comma) if older people’s figure will the number of old people rises in the future as they put pressure on some of the departments of that country such as finance and health.

(Dear Sir ,can you please correct my essaay by tomorrow because I have an exam on this saturday)

my humble request to you.

THANKS in advance.

===================================================

IELTS buddy

Feedback

It's generally a good response as you answer the question, you have a clear opinion, and you have one central idea in each body paragraph.

But remember the question says 'higher proportion'. This means more elderly people in proportion to younger people, not necessarily that the number will be far higher.

So it might be a good idea to talk about how the government will get less taxes from younger people to pay for the elderly.

General Nouns

The main problem you seems to have is missing the 's' off words.

If you are using a general noun (i.e. talking genearlly rather than specifially about something as is often the case in IELTS) you put an 's' on it.

Developing Ideas

I think you should exclude this from your essay:

Lastly, unemployment rates could rise for some of the employment fields such as nurseries. Parents will not send their children to nursery because of the avaibility of  grandparents at home.

It is ok to make some guesses about what could happen, but this seems a bit too much like guess work. As I said above, it is the proportion of elderly people.

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