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Comments for Balanced Diet and a Healthy Life

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Jan 06, 2015
be careful with your position
by: chair mao

this is a well written essay as i read. however, in the introduction, you wrote you have a different view, it sounds very unclear whether you are disagree or you partly agree. it is better you could clear your position in the beginning of your Balanced diet and a healthy life essay.

the first and second body para seems to be a concession paras, and last para is your opinion. in terms of the ratios, maybe you could write only one concession para and write 2 para which support your own ideas, make your view strong convince to reads.

this is just my own opinion, hope it may help.

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