This IELTS essay is about the competition for jobs between younger and older people.
The way that the question is posed in this essay can often cause problems for students. Take a look at the question:
So there are two parts to the question, but in the first part should you be talking about problems or causes?
It’s common for students to make errors in answering the question because they rush to start writing without spending a few minutes analysing the question.
If you look carefully you should see that you need to write about the problems that arise if older people have to compete for jobs with younger people, not the causes of having to compete.
Also, the question is focused around the problems for ‘older people who are looking for work’ so you need to focus on the potential problems for older people, not younger people.
And don’t forget that there are two parts to the question:
So it is a good idea to brainstorm two problems and think of solutions to those. You could organise your essay in one of two ways:
Now take a look at the model answer:
Competing for Jobs Essay
It is common these days for older people who need employment to compete with people much younger for the same type of work. While this can create problems, there are steps that can be taken to reduce the impacts.
The main problem is that older people may find it more difficult to secure work, which arises because younger people are more likely to have up-to-date qualifications and experience. For example, information technology is integral to a variety of jobs these days and the skills needed for this are rapidly changing. Young people may well have recent knowledge through university or through using technology in their leisure time. If older people cannot secure work, this leads to other problems. As they are likely to have a family to support, they may not have an adequate income to provide for their children’s education or other such necessities.
It is the government that needs to take measures to ameliorate such problems. This needs to begin with ensuring that older people have all the skills needed to compete in the job market, which could be achieved by providing free training on the most important job requirements at local community colleges, for example. In addition to this, the government needs to encourage employers to change their employment practices by promoting the value of experience that older workers can bring to a job.
To conclude, the main issue with competition for work between these groups is that older people may start to find it more difficult to find work. However, despite this, through the right training and changes to recruitment practices, older people can compete on an equal footing to the younger generation in the jobs market.
The essay addresses all parts of the task as it explains the problems in paragraph one and the solutions in paragraph two. The main ideas are well-developed and supported.
All the ideas presented are directly related to the questions asked and the writer does not go off-topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is also organised logically as it introduces the topic and sets out the thesis in the introduction. Each body paragraph then has a central topic (problems in body one and solutions in body two), and the essay finishes with a conclusion that summarises the main ideas presented.
A range of cohesive devices are also used well so the essay can be read with ease and all the ideas, sentences and paragraphs are linked together well.
There is a wide range of vocabulary used which is related to the topic and the writer uses collocations well.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is very accurate and there is a wide range of sentence structures used. There are plenty of examples complex sentence structures used correctly which are important for a good score. For example:
"I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that's not academic language, but it's the truth!"
Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5