IELTS Essay: Teenagers working while studying
by Javed Malek
Please provide feedback on this essay:
It is a good idea for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Support your answer with specific reasons and details.Intro. (Past)
During the bygone days, teenagers had been focusing only on studies, and part time jobs were not heard of.(Present)
Today, teenage students, the world over, have been engaging in part time jobs, especially in the developed nations. (Thesis statement)
Although there are different views on this topic, I would like to state that it is a good idea for teenagers to take up part time jobs while they are students because they can learn about responsibility and punctuality; about the value of money and also learn how to work as a member of a team.Body: (Topic Sentence)
Students can learn to be responsible and observe punctuality while they study. Eg.
They have to come to work on time every day, and there is no room for procrastination. They have to maintain the inventory, update stock registers, and have to be responsible in their duties. Body: (Topic sentence)
In addition to that, students can learn the value of money. (Effect)
Students will realize that it takes a lot time and effort to make a living, and this experience will enrich them with confidence to face the vicissitudes of life. Eg.
Students will also make the wiser choices when buying things with the money they earned from their sweat.Body: (Topic Sentence)
Moreover, teenage students will learn how to work as a team member and share responsibilities. Students will realize how to compromise with other employees when situation comes. (Effect)
Students will learn about the friendship as well that comes from teamwork, which will then develop to a team spirit.Conclusion:
It is a valuable experience for teenagers to have jobs while they are students because they will learn to be responsible adults. They will have an appreciation of money and they will learn about working with others. (Future)
All of these traits will benefit them in the days to come, in responding to the realities of life.