IELTS Sample Writing Task 2: Government Spending - Education or Sports?
Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?
Education, recreation and sports playing a crucial role in the development of our country. They are representing how strong the countries are. Thus, to ensure that our country is well known throughout Asian and the world, the government should take an important action in developing education, recreation and sports industries. Unfortunately, governments must analyse which industries bring a lot of development in the country to prevent the wasting of money to the thing which is less important. It is true that education is important but recreation and sports are playing a big crucial role in showing the progression of a country. It is disagreeable the governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports as recreation and sports can attract many visitors from all over the world to visit our country and it displays how excellent the country and the nation are.
First and foremost, recreation and sports can attract many visitors from all over the world to visit our country. If the money is channelled to enhance these industries, our country will become a destiny of choice with many fascinating tourism places with more sophisticated facilities which has been upgrade year by year. Tourists from Europe love to visit our country with a wonderful climate as they love sun and rain more than snow and autumn in their country. Malaysia has its own attraction for instance, the highest Mount Kinabalu in Southeast Asia which has become the first destination for visitors. The guesthouses, the climbing track and all the facilities should be upgrade so the visitors will feel more comfortable and they will come to visit again. In such a way, it will encourage foreign currency exchange and generate Malaysia’s income automatically.
Secondly, sports and recreation represent how powerful a country and the nation are to the eyes of the world. The strength of every countries are depends on the cleverness of the government to manage ups and downs of a country. If the money is used to enhance the sports industry in Malaysia, the sportsmen and sportswomen will work hard till their last breath as the sport equipments are more than enough. For instance in the SEA Games, where the games gathered all Asian countries, they will participate in this game and definitely represent Malaysia as a whole. It is a very big game which needs a full support mentally and financially from the government. Further more, if they win in any sports, they will get trophy or medals and their name that represents Malaysia will be carved in the SEA games record. These shows how vital is the sports industry in our country, therefore government must do something to put up Malaysia as the greatest country in this industry.
In a nutshell, it is important for government to focus more on recreation and sports industries than education as they give many benefits to our country. For that reason, it is clearly seen that money should be spend more on sports and recreation to ensure that Malaysia will become the most powerful and attracting country in this world.
by: IELTS buddy
Firstly, the essay is much too long (513 words). I am guessing you took longer than 40mins to write it or otherwise you did not do a plan.
You should aim to write 265-300 words in your essay (though obviously this depends on your writing ability – someone at a higher level can probably write more in a shorter space of time).
The introduction should be much shorter so you can focus more on your body paragraphs. Shortening your introduction to something like this would be fine:
"Education, recreation and sports play a crucial role in the development of countries around the world, and they represent how strong the countries are. It is true that education is important but recreation and sports play an important role in showing the progression of a country. Therefore, I believe that governments should not spend more money on education than on sport and recreation."
Another couple of points about the introduction.
1) Don’t copy from the rubric – you did this in your thesis statement that I have changed
2) Don’t write like you are referring to a specific country. The question is not asking you about Malaysia. Just talk generally, though of course you can refer to Malaysia in your body paragraphs to give examples.
With regard to your body paragraphs, your ideas are generally ok, but you need to try to make your points in a more direct way, and make your writing less ‘wordy’.
As an example, it is not really clear why this sentence is here or what it means:
"The strength of every countries are depends on the cleverness of the government to manage ups and downs of a country."
You don’t need it.
Also, make sure you explain your ideas clearly. With your idea about making Malaysia more powerful, you don’t really explain exactly why giving more money would make the nation look stronger or why this is such a benefit.
Make sure you plan your paragraph carefully before writing so you have good support for your ideas.
Don’t use ‘in a nutshell’ – this is just for speaking.GRAMMAR
The essay is a bit too long for me to check all the grammar, but generally, although there are grammar and vocabulary errors, you have some examples of good grammatical structures and use of vocabulary as well.
I think you really need to focus on planning a shorter answer with good concise support which gets quickly to the point.Return to IELTS Sample Task 2 Writing