Task 2 IELTS Sample Essay: Smoking
by faysal ahmad
Smoking is a bad habit. Do you agree or disagree?
smoking is a dangerous bad habit.it contains nicotine.it causes different diseases and damages our brain and lungs.most of the people are addicted it by someone ,specially our teenagers are affect by their friends.every year the number of people are death for this reason and sometimes they are avoided their family,which really shock-able.
smoking has a lot of disadvantage .it causes different diseases such as cancer of different part of the body and brain stoke which makes para lashed our body.first of fall someone addicted by others and after some days they become chain smoker which really unthinkable.our young generation are involved day by day but they do not know about the effect of smoking.they couldn't understand how many diseases and naturally they fall in death.
from the religious point of view it is prohibited .it is clearly shown our holy Quran ,if someone waste their valuable body parts with out excuse than they will be destroy in future.
it harmful not only smoker but also non smoker, if someone smoke infornt of their family member than each member get nicotine by smoke.that harms both side
on the other hand it has no advantage but some one think that it gives relaxation and our young stars think that it becomes smart .
so i think that smoking is a really harmful to mankind and it waste our valuable life and valuable many thing like property and so many on.so everyone should conscious about the bad effect of smoking and our government should try to increase awareness .
lastly i would like to say if we want to get good health and wealth than we should avoid it
There are too many errors here for me to go through and correct everything so I’ll just have to give you some general feedback. General Content / Ideas
On the positive side, it is clear from your essay that you know how to develop an opinion (you disagree) and how to keep that position consistent within your essay as you go on to give ideas as to why you think this (for health reasons and religious reasons). So this is all fine.Grammar
However, I am not sure what band score you need, but you will struggle to get a high band at present due to your grammar and style.
Most of your sentences have a lot of errors in and it is confusing at times what you are saying. For example, some mistakes with your vocabulary/structures make what you are saying difficult to understand:
which makes para lashed our body
smoke infornt of their family member
Also, too many of your sentences are simple and have errors – for example you keep forgetting to use Capital letters, and all these sentences are simple:
smoking is a dangerous bad habit.it contains nicotine.it causes different diseases and damages our brain and lungs.
I think to improve your writing, you will really need to seek out a teacher to guide you. To do this online will be too difficult as you need someone to go through and explain specific writing skills and grammar points.
As I said though, on the positive side you understand how to develop an opinion and ideas to support it. You just need to learn how to present this properly.
Thanks and good luck with your study.Return to Student Sample Writing