This is a model IELTS Childcare Essay. In the essay you have to discuss two sides of an argument.
The first is that it is better if pre-school children are looked after at home with relatives such as grandparents. The second opinion is that children should be looked after at childcare centres.
You also have to ensure that you give your own opinion.
This is the essay question:
Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
You must always make sure you analyse the question carefully before answering it.
This is important to make sure you fully answer the task.
In this childcare essay, you must do three things:
Remember to also check carefully who is being discussed in the essay.
In this case it is children too young to go to school. So you would not be talking about older children or teenagers.
Now take a look at the childcare essay model answer and the comments below.
Although it is common for parents these days to place their children that are pre-school age into childcare centres, some people criticise this and argue that children will receive a better level of care from relatives such as grandparents. Personally, I would argue that the best choice is to send children to a childcare centre.
Those that support care through grandparents cite several reasons for this. Firstly, they claim that this is the safest option due to the fact that they are family members so they can be trusted at all times to put the health and safety of the child first. Another important consideration is costs. Parents will have to pay to place their children in a childcare centre, and with the financial burdens that families face these days, using relatives to care for children would be a considerable cost saving.
Despite these benefits, there are clear advantages of using professional carers. First and foremost, staff members at most centres are fully trained in early childhood education so they understand child development and will be able to nurture the child’s growing skills in the best way. Not only this, since there are a mix of instructional activities during the day such as painting, singing, and storytelling, children’s creativity and learning will be developed. Last but not least, children can benefit from the opportunity to socialize with other children, which they might not get to do with a relative caring for them at home.
To conclude, I am of the opinion that the advantages of using childcare facilities to look after pre-school children clearly outweigh the benefits of using relatives. This is because the environment they are brought up in will result in children who are well-educated, creative and sociable.
This childcare essay would achieve a high IELTS for the following reasons.
The question has been fully answered. The writer has clearly provided their opinion. This can be seen in:
The two opinions have also been discussed. The first opinion in body paragraph 1 and the second opinion in body paragraph 2.
Coherence and Cohesion
The childcare essay is well-organised and structured.
There is a good introduction that introduces the topic and clearly identifies the two arguments. The writer then gives their opinion (this can be left until the conclusion but it can be a good idea to present it upfront so no confusion arises).
A topic sentence introduces the main idea of the first body paragraph:
Two supporting arguments are then provided.
Then another sentence clearly introduces the next argument (which is also the writer's opinion):
Three supporting arguments are then provided.
Transitions, transitional phrases, and conjunctions are also used well to lead the reader through the arguments and link ideas, such as Firstly; Another important consideration is; Despite these benefits; Last but not least; and; thus; although etc.
There is also good use of referencing to avoid repeating nouns or other phrases. For example: "...some people critisise this and..."
There is a good mix of accurate vocabulary (some of which is topic-related), such as important consideration; financial burdens; professional carers; nurture; instructional activities; socialize.
Importantly, words are correctly collocated. There is no point putting in high-level vocabulary if you do not know which words they collocate with or which word forms to use.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is accurate with few if any mistakes and there are a range of sentence types and a mix of complex structures. For example:
"I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that's not academic language, but it's the truth!"
Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5
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