These are IELTS band 4 essay samples that have been given grades (of 4 or 4.5) and basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor.
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In this century, there are a countless number of people that are showing interest in what concerne animals rights, therefore it is becoming an actual and argued topic.
People are starting to look disapprovingly all situations and events with animal exploitation. Infact, circus for example, has lost its popularity and the audience prefer human performances.
Moreover, animal rights have become part of the law and animal’s abuse is punished with fees and occasionally with prison.
Further more, also the animal breeding has been observed and people are realizing that the killing and the slaughter of animals is cruelly done. It is important to realize that people of new generations are developing a new sensibility concerning this issue, but currently it is emerging a new exstremist thought.
Despite the huge number of vegeterian people (which the majority of them are following a new fashion), there are also people with distorted views.
The area that worry me most regards the animal research which allows considerable and important improvements in the medical research, therefore in human walfare. The animalist group are spreading wrong information , directly demaging the research sector. As an illustration, few months ago an animalist group destroyed years and years of neurological research freeing rats used in a laboratory, because they would have been cruelly treated. Unfortunately this animalists did not know that for each treatment was used anesthesia.
Given these points, I defend animal rights and I do not support any form of animal exploitation , nevertheless I do not support any exetremist thought especially concerning medical research.
The essay is difficult to follow in places and it is often not clear what point is being made. I could not work out your paragraphing at all. You must have 4 or 5 paragraphs in the essay (the first being the introduction and the last the conclusion).
Band descriptors: It responds to the task only in a minimal way, it presents a position but this is unclear, and it presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify.
In an essay like this you should clearly divide it into two parts which answer each opinion. So one body paragraph explains why it is not acceptable to exploit animals, and the other body explains why it is ok to exploit animals. Then you can give your opinion – either in a third body paragraph or as part of the conclusion.
Band descriptors: This essay presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response; may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing.
You do occasionally have some good vocabulary and good sentences but there are too many errors with most of them and some very confusing parts that cannot be understood.
Band descriptors: May make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty.
Band descriptors: attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences; frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.
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Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5
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