These are IELTS band 5 essay samples that have been given grades (of 5 or 5.5) and basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor.
Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
Nowadays in worldwide nations, every moment, we are displayed advertisements on TV shows, magazines or huge LED boards situated on intersections. In what methods they are produced or how much producers care about ethical trend to making them? I believe they intent to have more watcher to earn more money regardless to its consequences.
In first point of view, some families my does not need something that is displaying on tv, but as home wife see the advertisement will feel that is a good idea to have it and decide to buy it immediately. In another case, there is families who have young offspring who mentally is not wise enough to perceive everything in family situation. Therefore, they will have high demand while they are watching a new toy advertisement. Begging his parent to purchase it and crying all time. As a result his poor father will be finally obliged to buy the toy.
In second point, they may use psychological weaknesses; for example, by displaying a young lady with fitness body who is using some stuff on show to attract people for the good. It may apparently not so bad, but if we go deep in down will understand that how it may have an effect of youth brain and corrupt it.
Or by using a charming sentences on cigarette box "the ideal of a manhood" as a person see this advertisement on the box, will feel himself on his dreams and will buy it.
In conclusion, the advertisement makers, regardless to the bad effects the advertise may cause on people, will made them due to make their customers satisfying. But it may have bad consequences on society which due to avoiding this trend i suggest authorities make some plans for the circumstance to check and control advertisements before showing up.
The essay expresses a position and ideas are presented that are related to the question but the development is not always clear. Some ideas are slightly unclear due to grammatical errors.
There is evidence of organisation but it is not always clear.
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary with some examples good use of lexis. But there are too many noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that cause some difficulty for the reader.
There is evidence of complex sentences being used but errors overall there are frequent grammatical errors and these errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in several places.
Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on young children.
Do you agree or disagree?
Modern era is technological era. Computer become a integral part of our life. Youngsters use it in many ways. In my opinion it has more positive impacts than negative on young generation.
First of all, Computer help the children in their studies. They search many type of information related to their studies through internet. They get more ideas related to any particular topic which enhance their knowledge.
Secondly, it helps to improve there skills. With the help of social sites like facebook, twitter they interact with their friends, kith-kin. It helps them to increase their capability to communicate with others. Moreover, they become perfect in their work, they become literate in computer. Which would help them in their career also. Then everywhere is demand of computer it would helps to organisations to find perfect match for job. Then, they need not to trained staff, they can get efficient persons.
However, one of the major drawback is that it invite many health problems among young children they spent long hours in front of computers which effect on their eyes, obesity is another problem for them. Furthermore it increase gap between parents and their child they spent most of their time on computer rather than talk to their guardian.
In nutshell, I would like to say that even computer has many pros and cons. Parents should fix sometime to use the computer and also restrict on websites.
You have a sufficient number of ideas that are presented and explained. Some ideas though are inadequately developed or unclear.
There is a sense of organisation and progression in the response but cohesive devices can be a bit mechanical and faulty at times.
There is an adequate range of vocabulary but there are too many errors.
There are several issues with the grammar, with many complex sentences written inaccurately and quite a lot of grammar errors, though these do not generally impede communication.
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Although some people believe that humans should use animals to satify their different necessities, such as feeding and researching, the number of indivuduals that defend that animals should not be exploited as well as shoud have the same prerogatives as humankind is increasing. In my opinion, animals should recieve a better treatment and not to be abuse anymore.
In the humanity history for centuries it was common to utilize animals for lots of tasks, like transportation. Most of them worked their entire lifes without stopping, suffering abuse. The animals were domesticated just to satisfy human necessities, with which most of people agreeded at that time withou questioning.
Nevertheless, more recente studies have proved that animals have feelings, not exactly the same as the humans, but some similars emotions. Nowadays, it is not necessary anymore to use animals for jobs, for research and even for feeding. With the evolution, all of this need can be satisfied with the new technology. For instance, there are different means of transport, even eco-friendly ones, also planty of other options to substitute meat for great and nutritive substances that not involve sacrifying animals.
More than this, animals should have recognized rights to assure them a healthy and safe life, not exactly the same as humans, but laws to protect them that take in consideration their aspects. As an example in Brazil we have some recent changes in law in order to forbid the use of animals in researchs and to penalize animals abuse.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that animals should not be employ anymore to satisfy individuals needs. Furthermore, animals must have rights recognize worldwide to assecure them a better quality of life, based on the human law, observed the peculiarities.
Your essay doesn’t really answer the question satisfactorily. If you read your body paragraphs, very little of it actually discusses the reasons why animals should not be exploited, or the arguments why they should be exploited to satisfy our needs. Your 2nd body paragraph does a bit but the 1st and 3rd don’t. Go through some of the ‘discuss two opinion’ sample essays here to see how to answer this type of question.
Your essay is generally organised ok. I can follow it without any difficulties and you have used cohesive devices mostly correctly. This is probably the strongest part of your writing.
Vocabulary is generally ok and there are some good words in there but you have too many spelling mistakes which brings it down to a 5. For example: satify, shoud, indivuduals, withou, etc. I have a feeling some of these may be typos from writing quickly on a computer. But typos still get counted as errors so make sure you type carefully and check your work.
This is only just a 6 as you do have quite a few noticeable grammar errors, so you need to be careful. However, I think there is just enough good grammar there to merit a 6. This for instance is a bit of a confusing sentence: “the number of indivuduals that defend that animals should not be exploited as well as shoud have the same prerogatives as humankind is increasing” and you have other errors such as “most of people agreeded” (no ‘of’ and should be ‘agreed’).
It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behaviour in addition to provide formal education.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that schools should teach students to be good people apart from providing formal education. I completely agree with this statement because children spend long hours at schools, and parents have to pay for tuition fees.
Schools should be responsible for teaching children to have good manners because children spend a significant amount of time at schools. This is because when children spend a lot of time with teachers who usually act as role models for them, students can learn and imitate good manners. For example, students from one of the most famous schools in Thailand reported that they behave themselves well because their teachers instilled good values in them while studying at schools.
Another reason is that parents have to pay for tuition fees, so they expect their children to become good people. This is due to the fact that parents expect their children to be successful both professionally and personally. For instance, international schools in Thailand charge parents a lot of money, so their parents expect their children to be excellent not only at academic subjects, but also good manners.
In conclusion, schools have to be responsible for teaching about good manners because children spend a lot of time at schools, and parents have to pay for education costs.
You answer the essay question to a degree but you really need more support to start getting to 6 and above. I noted that your essay is only 213 words and this is not really long enough. You should aim for the required 250, and do this by providing body paragraph support rather than extending your introduction and conclusion.
Also some of your support is a bit repetitive; for instance “they expect their children to become good people” then this “parents expect their children to be successful both professionally and personally” and this “their parents expect their children to be excellent not only at academic subjects, but also good manners” are really saying the same thing.
Your essay is generally organised ok but you do have some issues more about the logic of your essay which is caused by the way you are using connectors. For instance “This is because” does not make sense in the 2nd body paragraph. It should just start with the “When…”.
You have the same problem with “This is due to the fact that..”. In both of these cases you are not giving reasons based on what you said before. Are you just thinking you have to give a topic sentence then a reason so you are using these words? Think about what you are actually trying to say, then use the correct language.
Vocabulary is generally ok but length is the issue – see the comments about grammar below as the same applies to your vocabulary.
Grammar is generally ok – you do not have too many errors and you show an ability to write complex sentences and forms. This is a 6 because of the length really. I think if you can do a full essay then you may well be able to get 7 here as you will then be showing a wider range of language and complexity. But of course if you are writing more you need to be sure this does not mean you rush and make more errors.
"I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that's not academic language, but it's the truth!"
Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5
New! CommentsAny questions or comments about this page or about IELTS? Post your comment here.