IELTS Computer Based Test + Band Score

IELTS Band 6 Essay Samples

These are IELTS band 6 essay samples that have been given grades (of 6 or 6.5) and basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor. 


Topic: Wages of Entertainers (band 6)


Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. 

Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. 

The entertainment industry is one of the largest sectors in all around the world. Some think that the people who work in that industry earn too much money considering their bad influence on society, and I agree.  Others, however, believe that their positive impact on others is worth the money that they are paid.

On the one hand, there is no doubt that show business is an enormous and unfairly well paid sector. In addition to that, members of it do not add real value, compared to others like, for instance, education workers. Although in some countries teachers live with unreasonable wages, their responsibility, is extremely valuable for next generations become better people. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from one concert. The other important point is, for a balanced and equal society, the difference between income levels must not be very high. Regardless than their contribution, no one should make billions of dollars that easily, because that imbalance does have a significant negative impact on societies.

On the other hand, some people think that entertainers’ contribution to the modern life is worth the money they earn. It can be understood that for many people, watching a movie or going to a concert is irreplaceable with other activities; therefore, they think that their positive impact is crucial for a significant proportion of people. In addition to that, celebrities do compromise their privacy and freedom with being known by many others. In exchange of that, they do deserve a comfortable life with significantly better paychecks.

In conclusion, despite their minimal contribution with their work to the people and sacrifice from their private life; I believe that their impact is far from being positive and they are not paid fairly or balanced with others.

Comments

Task Response: 7

Both parts of the question are fully answered and there is a clear position and opinion presented. But some of the support loses focus and generalises too much. This can be seen in the last part of body paragraph one, which just states there are negative impacts again but does not say why. 

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

Fairly well-organised but there are some issues with CC. For instance 'in addition' does not fit in body paragraph one so early as the topic sentence has yet to be explained. The thesis would be better with the opinion at the end. 

Lexical Resource: 6

An adequate range of vocabulary but there are inaccuracies and mistakes with word forms. 

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Good range and mix of simple and complex sentences but too many noticeable errors for a band 7. For instance, "Regardless than their contribution" or the fragment: "Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from one concert."


Topic: Computers and Teaching (Band 6)


School children are becoming far too dependent on computers and this is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children are born into the digital world. From young age, they know how to operate computers, iPad, and TV. It is part of their daily life. School age children is no exception to the use of computers. They are confident users of computers and very dependent on them which can lead to decline in reading and writing skills. Some teachers utilise the computers well in their lessons, while others avoid the use of computers in their classrooms. I believe good balance of both is needed to help students’ reading and writing skills to improve.

Computers can help students with reading. For example, if students come across unknown words, they can search the unknow words and hear the pronunciation. If it was not for the computers, they have to find someone who knows how to pronounce the words for them. Therefore, computers can play positive role in students’ reading skills.

On the other hands, writing skills need to be improved by lots of handwritten works. If students are using computers all the time and getting the help of autocorrection, they will not improve their writing skills. They will not know how to edit as autocorrect is doing the job for them.

In conclusion, I believe that teachers should not allow students to do all the work on the computers especially writing tasks. However, teacher should not avoid the use of computer as computers can be a great help if they use it effectively. Rather than avoiding computers that students are so used to, teachers need to come up with how to use it effectively to enhance students’ reading and writing skills.

Comments

Task Response: 6

You have addressed the question properly and your ideas are relevant. However, you don’t have enough support in your body paragraphs, which is the most important aspect with regards to the grading. Shorten your introduction considerably (2 or 3 sentences to introduce the topic and thesis). It currently doesn’t meet the requirement of “presents, extends and supports main ideas” for band 7.

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

You sequence information and ideas logically, but your linking devices are a bit too mechanical  i.e. transition words in initial sentence position e.g. for example, therefore, on the other hand etc. A greater range and higher ability to link would be needed for 7 and over. Take a look at this advice on using transitions for band 7

Referencing should also be improved e.g. “Some teachers utilise the computers well in their lessons, while others avoid the use of computers them in their classrooms.”

Lexical Resource: 7

Sufficient range of vocab and some less common vocab used, but some errors in word choice / formation prevent a band 8.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Overall the grammar is very good, but there is an error in quite a few of the sentences. Most are quite minor but a couple of very noticeable and the candidates need to take care with this to avoid a drop to a 6.


Topic: Improved Medical Care (Band 6.5)


One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.  

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Since the medical care system has made significant progress in the last decades, people nowadays get older. While this can be seen as a clear benefit on a personal view, it causes huge problems on a global view. That’s why I think that the benefits of a higher life expectancy do not outweigh the drawbacks. 

On the one hand, an advantage of a longer life and better medical care is that people can spend more time with their loved ones without being in pain. As it is possible to treat illnesses the way, that they don’t affect the patient’s life anymore. For example, even a few years ago a lot of people died having a heart attack. With the increased medical possibilities this isn’t the case anymore. As a result, people can overcome illnesses that were deadly. 

On the other hand, the global impact a longer life expectancy has is huge. This can be seen by the fact that a longer life of individuals means a higher population on planet earth. For instance, we already have about 8 billion inhabitants and this number is increasing steadily. Consequently, we’ll not have enough resources to gain food and water for such a high number of individuals. 

Furthermore, a longer life period also causes higher costs for the medical care system. Reason for that is that more resources are needed to keep people healthy and alive. To illustrate, for the prevention of a heart attack the patient gets a variety of pills to decrease his blood pressure. This medication is expensive. Accordingly, we will need more and more young people to finance the medical system, or the system must be changed. 

All in all, it is understandable that people wish to have a healthy and very long life. But in my opinion the global disadvantages clearly outweigh the personal advantages of a longer life and better medical care. 

Comments

Task Response: 7

Content of the essay and ideas are generally okay. However, the initial explanation for the advantages is not always clear. The reader has to still think about what you mean about “being in pain.” A stricter examiner could penalize either TR or CC because the reader still has to process what is meant in this paragraph. But I think the average examiner will give you a 7 as the other paragraphs are ok.

Coherence & Cohesion: 7

The use of sequencers is okay. CC levels 8 and 9 do not necessarily have very obvious introductory phrases at the beginning of nearly every sentence (e.g. on the one hand, for example, as a result), and too many could even limit it to a band 6 if it is very mechanical. Take a look at model 8/9 essays to see how it should be done if you want a higher score.

Lexical Resource: 7

Vocabulary is okay, despite an error or two. But for a higher score, you’ll need more complex words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

There is a good mix of complex sentences though this aspect could be improved – some sentences could be linked together to make the essay more complex, which would be expected for a band 7, 8 and 9. And this is confusing – “As it is possible to treat illnesses the way, that they don’t affect the patient’s life anymore.” Check out how to write complex sentences as you appear to have a fragment - complex sentences.

Double-check to correct errors you are aware of. As earlier mentioned, the first body paragraph has issues. There are also punctuation issues (comma) in other areas. I think this does not quite reach a 7 but is very close.


Topic: Strength in Sport (Band 6)


Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while others think that mental strength is more important.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Physical energy is considered to be an imperative aspect for achievements in the field of sports. However, many individuals argue that mental strength also plays a pivotal role. This essay represents view for both sides along with the opinion.

Firstly, talking about physical energy, regular exercises enables an individual to stay fit and healthy by stretching body muscles that keeps the body active. Secondly, exercises can be performed in a way of practising any activity related to sports; for an instance, playing tennis or football may provides an encouragement and an exploration of new ideas and techniques that can be applied during games. Lastly, exercises reduces the risk of health issues, such as alterations in blood pressure, cardio-vascular diseases, by regulating blood flow in whole body that prevents risk of heart and brain strokes.

On the other side, a healthy mind lives in a healthy body. According to this phrase, mental strength performs a crucial role in sports activities. In today's world of competition, a person came through many situations that are full of stress, for example, team pressure, pressure of winning or loosing the game. Moreover, an individual cannot focus on sports unless or until his mental strength is not strong. A stress may leads a player into depression which can put him on stress releasing medication for his entire life. Furthermore, state of happiness provides relaxation to mental power that boost up the confidence level to perform well in the sports.

In my opinion, both physical as well as mental strength are considered to be mandatory because if exercises helps in the growth of body similarly mental strength gives confidence and support to play well.

Comments

Task Response: 7

The essay addresses all parts of the task, a clear position is presented throughout the response and main ideas are extended and supported main ideas. However, there is a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus.

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

The essay is clearly organised but it tends to be a bit mechanical with the use of the transition/sequencers (e.g. firstly, secondly, lastly etc).

Lexical Resource: 6

There is an adequate range of vocabulary for the task but not enough to meet the and 7 criteria of "sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision" or "uses less common lexical items".

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

There is evidence of a mix of both simple and complex structures but error free sentences are not frequent (band 7), but the errors present do not reduce the communicative effect so it merits a 6, not 5.  

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