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IELTS Writing Task 2 Band 6 Examples

These are IELTS Writing Task 2 band 6 examples (or 6.5) of essays that have been submitted by candidates practising for the test. There are also  basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor. 


Topic: Water Shortages (band 6)


Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem.

What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

Fresh water resource is a worldwide issue, that is related to varied factors, and it should be involve every country in the world. This essay will illustrate some reasons of the increasing demand and some solutions to solve as soon as possible.

Nowadays, because of industrialization, many European country has resolved this problem because every citizen are able to get drinkable water, but there is a huge difference with the third countries. Although, European people do not miss water, limited water resource is becoming a global emergency that could affect every nation.

Firstly, the rising request is related to the overpopulation; that is the reason why Chinese government has tried to reduce and regulate birth, so they have got the power to limit and control the population growth; this is not a reasonable political action to take.

Secondly, the overpopulation has caused a growing demand of food, so further water has been used by farmer for agriculture; moreover, not all the farms have an appropriate and modern infrastructures and machines to give water to the soil, consequently a huge amount of this natural resource is wasted.

A solution could be taken by local governments, such as, investments in new technologies, which are able to reuse water from soil, or more invested money on the creation of food in laboratories, in this last scenario a vast amount of water could be saved.

In addition, global warming has affected significantly this issue, for this reason international cooperation should try to reduce the environment changing to preserve water, avoiding deforestation and pollution, increasing renewable energy.
I would suggest teaching and educating children and students to save water in everyday life, these lessons could help them to notice their usage in their private house.

In conclusion, I think some solutions could be found to fix the problem; however, we should work all together to make the difference.

Comments

Task Response: 6

You have discussed the issues quite well but not all are fully explained. You have mentioned that global warming is a cause near the end but you haven’t explained why it leads to water shortage. You also have some irrelevant information like the body paragraph after the introduction or this sentence which is not related to the question: “this is not a reasonable political action to take.” Fix these issues and you are likely nearer a 7 for TR. 

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

You do have issues with organisation and CC. As mentioned above – you introduce ‘global warming’, a ‘cause’ near the end. Surely this should be with the other ‘causes’ at the start of the essay. Also you have lots of short paragraphs. Put the causes in one paragraph and the solutions in the next paragraph. I’m also not sure what the first body paragraph after the introduction is for as it does not relate to causes or solutions - it looks like you might be introducing the issue, but don't waste time on this. Focus on directly answering the question.  

Lexical Resource: 6

Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but you have some problems with the way you use lexis, such as saying "solutions to solve".

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

This is probably just a 6 but it's borderline 5. You do have quite a few small errors, especially nearer the start, though it improves as your essay progresses. Particularly noticeable is issue with punctuation. You are using commas when you need full-stops or some kind of transition. Check out how you need to punctuate to avoid ‘comma splices’.


Topic: Reading & Writing Skills (Band 6)


Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, our life improved by technology developments. Although some people think that communication through computers and mobile phones increased and has a detrimental effect on how young generation develop their skills in reading and writing, others think that this impact of technology is not a disadvantage. I strongly belive that young people reading and writing skills have suffered due to increasing usage of computers and mobile phones.

To begin with, technology  increases day by day and we have to be aware of what is new and implement it on our everyday life. It is certainly known that communication through online platforms it is more easier than the usual one and currently it is vital to have at least one tool like mobile phone or computer if someone wants to have an online conversation with somebody else. A survey was conducted on young subjects in 2007, in the United Kingdom and almost 90% of their respondents agreed with the fact that communication using devices is easier and more effective than using traditional ways and they looked more willing to use a device, like a digital book rather than have similar reading like in the previous generations.

To add more, there are many situations which provide that communication using only devices can be deficitary and it involves a lot of disadvantages. First and foremost, young generation can not experience the biggest pleasure of reading a new book, feeling the fragrance of their pages while sitting at the desk. Also, from the primary school, children learn how to effectively write and this situation needs improvement every day, because currently during the classes, many children get distracted and try to avoid what is vital for a society: to know how to correctly write. What is more, it has been proven that writing on a device decrease the rate of concentration in left emisphere of the brain and ought to this issue, many health problems can appear and develop. Nevertheless, technology development is an insurmontable situation that can not be stopped. During the years 2010-2020, a study was made using foreign students from my University and the results shown that those who used devices like mobile phones or computers in order to communicate had a lower rate of learning our mother tongue than others who concentrated on traditional books. Furthermore, a long period of time looking at blue screens affected the visual content and therefore most of them needed to see an Ophtalmologist.

To conclude, it is evident that communication is the most striking feature in our everyday life and both traditional and digital paths can be used, but younger generation needs to be aware of the disadvantages of using most of the time only devices like computers and mobile phones, because the drawbacks can outweigh more than the positive effects.

Comments

Task Response: 5

Much of your answer if you look does not actually answer the question - how are reading and writing skills affected. You address this briefly in body para 2 but your whole response should address this. 

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

For a 7, each body paragraph should have a central idea but your essay does not appear to do this. It gets confusing as to what the main idea of each is as you discuss positives and negatives.

Lexical Resource: 7

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Lexis and grammar are stronger points in your essay; however, there are still quite a few obvious grammar errors so GR is borderline 6/7.

You are writing too much. Reduce the amount you write and focus on brainstorming (making sure your ideas answer the question) planning, organising and checking grammar. There are some lessons here you may find useful.

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