These are IELTS Writing Task 2 band 6 examples (or 6.5) of essays that have been submitted by candidates practising for the test. There are also basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor.
You have discussed the issues quite well but not all are fully explained. You have mentioned that global warming is a cause near the end but you haven’t explained why it leads to water shortage. You also have some irrelevant information like the body paragraph after the introduction or this sentence which is not related to the question: “this is not a reasonable political action to take.” Fix these issues and you are likely nearer a 7 for TR.
You do have issues with organisation and CC. As mentioned above – you introduce ‘global warming’, a ‘cause’ near the end. Surely this should be with the other ‘causes’ at the start of the essay. Also you have lots of short paragraphs. Put the causes in one paragraph and the solutions in the next paragraph. I’m also not sure what the first body paragraph after the introduction is for as it does not relate to causes or solutions - it looks like you might be introducing the issue, but don't waste time on this. Focus on directly answering the question.
Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but you have some problems with the way you use lexis, such as saying "solutions to solve".
This is probably just a 6 but it's borderline 5. You do have quite a few small errors, especially nearer the start, though it improves as your essay progresses. Particularly noticeable is issue with punctuation. You are using commas when you need full-stops or some kind of transition. Check out how you need to punctuate to avoid ‘comma splices’.
Much of your answer if you look does not actually answer the question - how are reading and writing skills affected. You address this briefly in body para 2 but your whole response should address this.
For a 7, each body paragraph should have a central idea but your essay does not appear to do this. It gets confusing as to what the main idea of each is as you discuss positives and negatives.
Lexis and grammar are stronger points in your essay; however, there are still quite a few obvious grammar errors so GR is borderline 6/7.
You are writing too much. Reduce the amount you write and focus on brainstorming (making sure your ideas answer the question) planning, organising and checking grammar. There are some lessons here you may find useful.
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